Team Gramkow: Dear NICU Nurse. You were the first to see me become a mother...

Dear Team Gramkow NICU Nurses,

As we celebrate YOU on Neonatal Nurses Day, Sept. 15, I can't help but think you truly deserve more than just one day a year. There aren't enough words to describe my sincerest thanks for taking such great care of my tiny Ellie (yay for SV NICU nurses) and Beckett (yay for Harris Methodist NICU nurses) when they needed you most. Thank you for getting your nursing education. Thank you for continuing on to be certified to work in the NICU. Thank you for taking the stress-filled risk to work with such fragile beginnings to life. Thank you for your tender touch. Thank you for your attention to detail. Thank you for knowing my babies when sickness was coming on. Thank you for calling in on your off days because you were worried how that day would go with out you there. Thank you for celebrating the little things with us. Thank you for all the sweet keepsake signs that you'd post when mama was away. Thank you for cuddling when mom and dad couldn't be there. Thank you for loving on not only our preemie babies, but loving our whole family so well. Team Gramkow is forever thankful for YOU!

You see. You were the first to see me become a mother. You saw the scared look on my tear-filled, puffy-eyed face as my expectations of how I would enter motherhood were shattered. I thought it was all a bad dream. You saw how I was in denial, and that I didn't even know how to feel joy. You took care of my sweet Ellie, my fragile baby while I was in the preemie mama daze that whole first week.

You educated and explained each and every wire, tube and monitor that was hooked up to her as she laid in the isolette. To you, this was an everyday sight, but you never let me know that. You knew this NICU world was a shock to me. You patiently waited as I transitioned from denial to bravery. You educated me on pumping, and always encouraged and celebrated any amount of liquid gold I produced.

You educated me on what was best for my baby...to hold her, to kangaroo care, to help with "cares," to recognize her "I'm overstimulated" signs, to celebrate even things like smears and low residuals. You helped me practice her physical therapy. (that she was supposed to still be practicing in the womb)

Thank you being willing to answer my million questions. (shout out to Ellen and Dr.Hall too!) Thank you for journeying with us all 71 days. Thank you for celebrating and crying with us as we finally went home from the NICU. You were our first NICU family, and we are forever grateful.

And then, we got to do it again. Beckett came at 25 weeks, and we now knew the lingo. We knew the NICU world. But we didn't know if that would make it easier or harder.

You see. You were the first to see me become a mother to our second child, another preemie. I didn't want to see you NICU nurses this time around. You were the first to witness me see him for the first time, asking which isolette was mine.

You saw me bawl and sob, and scream "not again." You explained his medical status to me over and over again. I asked the same questions over and over again, but you never made me feel stupid. You constantly reminded me that he was different than his sister, born almost 3 weeks earlier, and a boy. (Yes, insert whimpy white boy lungs...I knew about it.) You were patient with my million questions including why things were different as far as feeding philosophy and advanced research from just 3 years ago.

You sat with me in his individual "airplanes" room, even though I knew it drove you crazy having a 1:1 assignment. You sat with me in the dark when he was having a horrible desatting day, and that was the only trick to calm him. You checked his bowel sounds every paranoid time I saw his tummy looked distended. (Yes, I asked the DRG this all the time too)

You were there when he got really sick, and knew to call the NP and doc right away. You were there not giving up on him when you had to bag him at 3 am in the morning. You not only loved on my sweet boy, but were so compassionate and kind to me. You listened to me cry, and try and figure out why this happened again. You could tell when the mommy guilt was in full force, and reminded me that this wasn't my fault...even though it is a hard one to believe deep down. You loved on my boy extra because I couldn't be there all the time with having big sister, Ellie to care for too. But you did save baths for us.

You always came in to tell me the K-State Football scores to help things feel a little bit normal, and like home. You wrote letters to mom in Beckett's journal telling me how the night went. I still love reading these. You brought my family a meal after your long shift with my boy because I had called saying our house was broken into. I know you prayed for our family. You celebrated and cried with us when we finally got to take him home just in time for Christmas. You were our Texas NICU family, for a long 88 days, and we are forever grateful.

You know what gift I can give you today in your honor? A reminder that what you do, is TOTALLY WORTH IT! You work so hard to nurture these NICU babies so they might have the best possible outcome. It started with you! And then, there IS joy down the road. Just look at my two miracles. We were SO blessed to know each and every one of you who cared for our Sweet Ellie and Sweet Beckett.

Our 27w6d, Ellie Jo, who just turned 6, is in Kindergarten and is reading above average!

Our 25 weeker, Beckett Thomas, who will be three next week, just graduated from ALL therapies! He is equivalent to development along with peers his age...gross motor, fine motor, adaptive, cognitive, social-emotional, and speech!