These pictures still make me smile...

Mandy and Ben's Christmas Challenge: Book Night

Our Christmas Day. We had such a sweet day. A sweet day as a family of four.

Ellie woke up ready for presents, but agreed to eat Christmas breakfast together as a family first. Cinnamon rolls and sausage balls. Yummo.

She anxiously went to get her stocking, but was just a little too excited. She pulled the heavy stocking holder off the mantle, and it hit her right in the head. So our morning started out a little rough, and Ellie has the bruise and cut on her forehead, and on her cheek too to prove it. Poor girl.

Luckily, Santa brought her a dollhouse! It was such a big present! She was so excited. We opened all our presents in our jammers. Ellie loved helping Beckett open his too.

We got our Christmas dinner ready. I had prepped all of the sides last night, (stuffing, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, and no work bread) so it was Ben's job to get the Turkey ready for the oven. We all marveled as it started SNOWING during lunch time!

Ben and Ellie played outside in the snow, and even made a mini snowman. Beckett and I got some quality one-on-one time playing with his new toys!

We skyped with some family, talked on the phone, ate our Christmas candy we had made yesterday. Played with the doll house, played with the stamps, Bman practiced his walking. He's officially taken one step.... multiple times before he dives into your arms thinking it's a fun game!

Dinner. Clean up. Even mopped my floor again. Yay. And put the kiddos to bed. Resisted the urge to turn on the TV. We didn't have it on all day. We actually listened to Christmas music most of the day while playing with toys!

And I grabbed my book, and sat down. It may or may not have been a result of earlier "intense fellowship" that I had with Ben. Funny how those things convict you sometimes. I knew reading would be a good reminder. I knew it would help turn my thoughts into serving him, rather than on myself. 

So thankful that this Christmas was a LOT less stressful. And so thankful for some extended time with the hubs at home. Wow...didn't realize how much I really miss spending quality time with Ben. It's so easy with the hussle and bussle, to just turn on the TV to mindless thinking until it's bedtime...or choose an escape, even it's a healthy escape.

So thankful for reflection and forward thinking. It's been a blessing to help Ellie prepare for Christmas. We did readings from her Jesus Story Book Bible for the Jesse Tree activity that we made. I love that she gets it more now. I love that it reminds us that God had a plan. The whole time, for Jesus' birth.

Not only a plan for our kid's lives, but plans for Ben and I too. Our marriage sure has grown, it's changed. But it's for the better. We're still learning, and it doesn't mean it's going to be easy. But like I said before it's WORTH IT. It just takes effort on both parts.

So here's what's been on my heart lately.

I think sometimes...when families go through tough stuff especially with our kids, the marriage can take a back burner. I think this is exceptionally easy for "mom." I can say this because I'm the mom in our story.

Our first year with Ellie, and her premature birth, was hard. After that, processing, and realizing what happened was hard. And then Beckett boy. Again. Another PREEMIE! Another year of hard.

So I kind of feel like things are "dare I say" slowing down enough for me to start the processing and reflecting again. I feel like we're out of the "survival" mode. And more into the "What are we going to have life look like now phase?"

I've been is such a "mom to the rescue" mode, that I'm realizing that the wife role has been less than stellar.
 
Is our marriage on the rocks? Nope. Do we want to make it better? Absolutely.

So I'm posting as accountability to myself and Ben. And for those in our wedding, remember how you stood up with us, watching us take our vows? Here's your reminder to help us too.

Who says you have to "go out" on a date for it to be quality, ESPECIALLY when you are in RSV Lockdown?

Ben and I just started reading our books we got for Christmas. I'm reading The Five Love Languages (yes, I know...we are on the slow train in getting this one read...and actually this wasn't a gift, we had it on our shelf waiting to be read, but that's besides the point), and Ben's started The Five Languages of Apology. We've already read some excerpts to each other, talked and discussed some. Maybe it won't be like this every week, but who knows. Maybe it will. Praying it will turn into action that will help us serve each other better.

Mandy and Ben's Christmas Challenge:
So we're committing to Book Night once a week together, until we get these read! 

Merry Christmas!

Our own little nativity story: starring our very own Mary and Joseph

Alright, now let's get the party started. Happy Birthday, Jesus!

"Mary, did you know, that your baby boy is heaven's perfect lamb?

"This sleeping child you're holding, is the great I AM."
Merry Christmas Eve from our own little "Mary."

"Oh, mom...Beckett's taking off his pillowcase again."

Beckett and his buddy, Davis as Shepherds.
"No Davis. It's Star of David. City of David. David, with a D on the end."

A Star. A Star. The Angel was right. There it is!

"Don't worry. I'm just keeping this sheep warm."

"Do you think we have to watch our "flock by nap time" too?

And Beckett just thought we were playing Peek-A-Boo the whole time! :)

This is our happily ever after...

...but no one said it was going to be easy.

The past year has been a whirlwind. I can't believe this is the week, ONE YEAR AGO, that we brought our Sweet Beckett home from the NICU. 88 days in that place. 88 hard days in the place. But no one ever promised it would be easy when we got home. Being a preemie mama the second time around, I was at least a little more prepared for the challenges ahead...the feeding issues, the reflux, the concern for dirty diapers, and the anxiety with cold and flu season to name a few.

And we're in it. I LOATHE cold and flu season. I loathe cold and flu seasons because of days like today. So sorry I haven't been the greatest at blogging lately. But obviously it was time for an therapy session from this mama update for my mom, grandpa and sister of course.

I try so hard. To protect my babies. But it's inevitable. Everyone tells me that it's going to happen. I'm not that oblivious to know they ARE going to get sick. But it's still awful. And it's hard when people tell me that they "need to build their immune system." Yeah, remember that whole third trimester thing with the important immunoglobins...well, they missed out on that. Both my babies. Frustration.

I get it. But seriously...let's get them bigger and stronger before we must deal with that.  Man, it's hard not to just want to put this whole preemie thing up on a shelf. It has forever changed my perspective, but seriously, some days, it just makes me so mad sad for my kiddos. I hate for them to continue to struggle with things. I hate that their lungs will never be the same. I hate that I have to be so cautious about a "common cold." AND yes, perspective...I know too well that some things that happen to our family, aren't "as drastic" as some other people....but it's the end of the world for me. They are my kids after all.

Tangent. Sorry. Back to today. Well, let's back up actually. Sunday we paid a visit to Cook's ER because Beckett boy had some pretty significant swelling under his eyelid from an insect bite reaction. Of course it was a Sunday evening, and after talking with the pedi on call, it was the best option to take him in to be evaluated. I sure didn't want to wake up the next morning with his eye swollen shut. We already have some eye issues with the little dude, so we needed to get on this STAT! (P.S. He has some cross eye business going on, so back to opthalmology for more measurements on January 10, and then we'll schedule a surgery date. Outpatient surgery. "Should" be no big deal. Could be caused by genetics (on both sides of our family actually) and/or his brain bleed. His prescription indicated farsightedness, but pretty even and within normal range for his age...so that wasn't the culprit causing the eyes to cross.) Ok, back to the ER visit...ended up getting put on antibiotics to help prevent any kind of staph infection from harboring, and a med for inflammation/redness/itching. We saw improvement that next day! So thankful!

So...fast forward (ha in my story) to today. Ellie has been sick with a cough/congestion for 4 days, but luckily it hasn't turned into croup (which she usually trends). However, she's been sleeping upright in the recliner and coughing a lot! Beckett's has been more in the past two days. Both kids were up coughing a lot last night, so I decided to call first thing in the morning to schedule an appt for BOTH kids.

Ellie verdict: Actually her lungs sounded fine. Praise! She did however have an ear infection (actual infection!) in her left ear, and sinus infection on her right side. So ammoxicillin it is for her.

Beckett boy verdict: Bronchiolitis and/or Reactive Airway Disease (Can I see an Asthma diagnosis in his future?)

So he is labored breathing/retracting and refusing to eat. NOT GOOD. He's wheezing pretty bad. His poor tummy was retracting so hard to breathe. It was AWFUL to see. Immediately the doctor was concerned. He mentioned this was exactly what we DO NOT want premature infants to get. Albuterol treatment #1: breathing a little better, not much though really. Chest X-ray: indicative of over inflated lungs (So this is meaning that Beckett boy was having a hard time "moving air"/ releasing air out his lungs. He was ok with getting air in, but out was the problem. Hense the wheezing (on exhale). Makes sense, right?

So then they try and epi injection along with decadron. He starts responding to that which is GOOD and BAD. Good in the sense that he's responding. Bad in the sense that it's likely that he has these breathing complications every time he gets sick. The doctor was contemplating sending us onto Cook's Childrens Hospital, but after a second albuterol treatment, his 02 sats were 92, and he was hopeful that Beckett would continue to respond to the steroid/bronchodilator. So every 4 hours we are giving him nebulizer treatments at home. And have already started the oral prenisolone.

If things worsen...obviously we will be paying another visit to the doctor. If they get much worse it'd probably be an ER visit actually. The doctor didn't think it was RSV. He said that usually with RSV, the kiddos don't respond to anything. Not to the neb, not to the steroid. So we would give him oxygen and fluids to keep him hydrated, and have to ride it out.

And after seeing his labored breathing this morning. I can't imagine him continuing to do this for days. I've been there done that. I was so having flashbacks of the NICU. Remember that night when I was there until 4 am, and couldn't get out of my head the charge nurse saying "He just won't breathe."

I may or may not have been having a panic attack in the doctors room. I was shaking as I was texting my sister. Beckett wasn't responding to treatment right away, and I so thought we were going to have to go back to the hospital...on the anniversary week of COMING HOME! This is supposed to be a celebratory thing. So hard. So. So hard. But I am SO SO thankful that he's responding.

He actually smiled at Ellie and Daddy when he got home. (Just got back from a work trip to New York) And we've gotten him to eat about 12 oz. today (after 2:30 when we finally got back home), so our goal is also to keep him hydrated. Keep his wheezing down, and his breathing slowed.

He finally fell asleep in my arms at 7:30 tonight. Hard part about the meds is they kind of "keep you wired," but hey...we are breathing better...so it's ok! He woke up a little bit and ate a couple more ounces, and is back to sleep. I may or may not be checking on him like 3902589023859023 times.

Please pray for:
1. Beckett's continued positive response to treatment
2. Specifically his lungs
3. His appetite
4. Ellie and Beckett to get some amazing rest tonight.
5. Discernment for us. I'm scared. I want to pull Ellie out of everything. I do NOT want to see Beckett like this ever again. I want to pull her out of gymnastics and Awana. But it's so hard with more than one kiddo to keep them in lockdown. Beckett doesn't go anywhere, but Ellie does. And Ellie can bring home stuff to Beckett. And I know we can too...but ugh! This is so hard!
6. Sanity for us for the remainder of Cold and Flu season. This mama is enforcing an even stricter RSV lockdown policy.
7. Petition for Synagis. Beckett did not qualify this season for Synagis (immunobooster to help fight RSV) because he was 30 days "TOO OLD." I have not been happy about this ever since I found out we didn't qualify. But I am going to try and work with our pediatrician to petition to get it the remainder of the season, especially since he's reacted the way he did today. Not sure if we have a case. But this mama is going to try.

So thankful. It's so hard...even at the beginning...I just have a hard time that this is our life...these are our struggles. Everyone has their struggles. Everyone has to choose to see the happy in it. I distinctively remember Ben saying to me when Beckett was in the NICU when I was having a really hard time dealing with is prematurity..."If this is how we get to have Beckett in our family, than it's worth it.

Even amidst the sick. The weary. Our God is STILL GOOD. Been reciting Psalm 13 to myself today.

Psalm 13

For the director of music. A psalm of David.

¹ How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?
² How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

³ Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
⁴ and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.
⁶ I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

 And man, oh man, He is STILL taking such good care of my babies. Thank God with me today helping me remember all the GOOD he has done in Beckett's life. Help me praise him by giving God a high five on the assist today with Beckett and his lungs. So thankful. So thankful he's at home with us.

This will be our happily ever after. We will make it be.

We are CRAWLING! CREEPING! AND CRUISING!

....and getting into EVERYTHING! :) Maybe I can blame the lack of posting on that?

So Friday, October 26, 2012, during Beckett's physical therapy appointment, he took his first crawling on hands and knees (which they call creeping) "STEPS"  YAY! Let's just say the whole room was cheering! And sure enough, then Kelli asks me if he is cruising (which I haven't really been trying because we wanted/needed him to crawl first), and he DOES THAT TOO! He even started bridging the gap (being brave going from couch to ottoman, etc.)

SO. SO. Thankful. I am so proud of my Beckett boy. He CRAWLS pretty much all the time now, and pulls up on EVERYTHING! It's so cute seeing his tiny little self trying to act all grown up. So he is now 10 months adjusted age, and around 13 months chronological age. Pretty good, I'd say.

This past week, he also had a bit of a cold. I don't know why I'm not fully convinced that it wasn't a full-fledge cold, but I'm not. BUT Beckett did great. No labored breathing. Just runny nose, productive cough. Wasn't sleeping well, but still ate pretty decent. So I was super proud of him. Now it seems Ellie has gotten another cold. She and Davis are asleep right now, which is why I have some time to write. Beckett may or may not be playing with Ellie's princess haircare set, which she always snatches out of his hands with great force. That's right, buddy, chew on that brush and flat iron while she is sleeping! ;) She will never know!

Things have just been going so well here. I think it also helps that in November, I've been doing the Days of Thankfulness. Sure changes your heart posture to really appreciating the things God has blessed us with in our lives. We have so much to be thankful for. So. much. As Beckett continues to grow, and get into things more and more...it just amazes me as I sit back and realize how far he has come. He's so boy, and I love it. He is definitely keeping me on my toes, but I wouldn't want it any other way!

Even if you don't post it on Facebook, or a blog...would you just identify one thing you are thankful for each day the rest of the month? Ellie and I made a "thankful tree" and so each day we put leaves on it with the things we are thankful for. This is definitely something I want Ellie to grasp...we have so much to be thankful for. She does get it...but she is also four...hey we gotta start somewhere. So here's Ellie's thankful list: God who saves me at night when I'm scared, Colors, The color Red, Dad, Beckett, I whom I love (which I think was inspired by an Awana verse), Aunt Audrie, and Davis Dore. :)

Here's my list:
Day 1: Jesus, who gives us hope, heals and loves us unconditionally.
Day 2: My Ben Gramkow
Day 3: My Parents
Day 4: That Beckett likes to Eat
Day 5: Ellie
Day 6: The USA
Day 7: My sister, Wendy
Day 8: Dr Hall and the DRG (Ellie and Beckett's neonatologists)

And here are some super cute pictures of my super cute kiddos!

BIG Boy Beckett eating BIG Boy Food!

I posted on Facebook that Ben and I should have gone out on a date to our dinner table. Why you ask? Because the kids were both still sleeping. Pumpkin arts and crafts clearly must have worn them out today. However, it wasn't two minutes after Ben got home and I posted that B-man started screeching from his room.

So we decided to dine as a family, like normal, but TONIGHT...

BECKETT ATE PEAS AND BANANAS BIG BOY STYLE!

That's right. I try every once in a while with table foods, but no luck. Either the gagger triggers for the texture, or he doesn't want to pick it up. But TONIGHT. He did. First he ate peas. Whole. He is getting the hang of the pincher grip, and he fed himself. And chewed. And chewed. And made funny face. And chewed. Swallow. SUCCESS!

And so then we tried cutting up some banana. Same deal. He liked these better because they stuck to his finger so he could make sure they got into his mouth. We're still shoveling a bit but hey, it counts. It's an EAT. An EAT like a BIG boy eats!

It had already been a great day, but this just topped it off! So proud of you Beckett Boy! I wonder how long you'll still take baby purees...

Another display of his big-boy-ish-ness is that he is PULLING UP TO STANDING on everything! Yesterday was the day. Everything. Of course with that has come bumps and his he earned his first real one today. (As seen on the ol' forehead above.) Poor guy. He knows how to pull up, but not get back down. He still isn't "crawling on hands and knees," but PT came today and said she thinks he is getting closer. He actually had some progress, and tolerated some support under his chest while practicing the crawling. Before he used to fuss and cry, and work against you. He is doing some left and right arm motions, so we still have hope!

He's so funny. He will even pull up, let go with one hand, look at you and SMILE. He knows he is BIG stuff these days.

Special Pumpkin

Ellie and I went grocery shopping tonight. On the way home we had a deep conversation.

Mama: Ellie, thanks for helping mama shop for groceries tonight. 
Ellie: Yep.
Mama: I love you.
Ellie: I love cookies.

This may or may not have also been the grocery store visit where Ellie asked to get a pumpkin to carve. I agreed. She picked one on the bottom of the pile of course, I think because it had a

long stem. I start trying to pull out the chosen pumpkin, whereupon the pile starts to come apart and I immediately have to bust out my defensive stance and shuffle so that all of the bowling pumpkins don't go crashing on the floor. I also may or may not have said "this might be my worse nightmare" as people walked by. I rearranged the pumpkins. Seriously ... who piles them like that anyways! I got out the chosen pumpkin, and Ellie says "Oh, mom, not that one ... not the dirty one." I tell her this is the one she chose, we must go on. She then asked if we could get one for Beckett. I said no. So we put the pumpkin on the belt to pay and sure enough, this pumpkin looks like the leaning tower of Pisa!

What a special pumpkin Ellie got this year!

Ellie is FOUR!

Interview with Ellie aka the NEWEST 4-year-old!
(Well as of September 3)

1. What is your favorite color? Pink and Red and Purple

2. What is your favorite toy? A cup for Tea Parties

3. What is your favorite fruit? Strawberries

4. What is your favorite TV show? Baby Signing Time (Might have been influenced by what she is currently watching)

5. What is your favorite movie? Tangled

6. What is your favorite thing to wear? Clothes, my Sesame Street Shirt

7. What is your favorite animal? A lion

8. What is your favorite song? ABC’s

9. What is your favorite book? Hey Wake Up because I can read this one.

10. Who is your best friend? Jonathan aka Jon-Jon

11. What is your favorite snack? Graham Crackers

12. What is your favorite drink? Milk

13. What is your favorite breakfast? Oatmeal made by daddy

14. What is your favorite lunch? Peanut Butter Sandwich

15. What is your favorite dinner? Spaghetti

16. What is your favorite game? The Ladybug Game

17. What is your favorite thing to play outside? My sandbox

18. What is your favorite holiday? My Birthday

19. What do you sleep with at night? Piggy

20. What do you want to be when you grow up? A Cowgirl. (Well, I guess we live in the right state for this one! LOL!)

21. If I could change my name, it would be what? I want to keep Ellie.

22. If I could go anywhere in the world, I would go to? Church

23. Three words that describe me are: Playful, My name is Ellie, and Pink and Purple

24. When I was little, I used to: Be a baby in the hospital in the whole world.

25. My favorite season of the year is: Summer

26. One food I don’t like is: Onions

27. One thing I can do now that I’m four is: Be silly at the park.

28. If I had one wish it would be: To be a mommy.

29. What do you love to learn about? Crafts

30. What makes you happy? Parties and Gymnastics

31.  What makes you sad? That the house got broken into. (I can’t believe she remembers this!)

32. What do you think about before you fall asleep? I keep my eyes open for a little bit, and then I fall asleep. I brush my teeth, and floss my teeth, and then I go to bed.

33. How old are you now? FOUR

34. What was the best part of your birthday? Cupcakes and Icing

35. What was your favorite gift? A card

36. Anything else you would like to say about being four-years-old? Above the house, you will be special inside the house. 

And there you have it... 

Happy Birthday to my Sweet Ellie Jo! 4 years old and full of joy! What a miracle! Thanking God for her today! So blessed for God's healing in her tiny start to life. 

Ellie has taught us a perspective on life that has changed us forever. 

We love our princess soooo much!

Beckett is ONE!

Dear Beckett,
This mama is a bunch few days late on writing you your Birthday Letter! You were ONE on September 23! Beautiful problem. You have been on the GO-GO-GO! And I haven't had enough time to sit and write. Oh, Beckett, I don't even know where to begin. You were supposed to be my miracle boy, and you still are. Every day you amaze me more and more with how you learn to adapt to this world. We are SO proud of you, B-Man!

• STATS: You started out at 2 lbs. 2.6 oz. And now, buddy, you are 17 lbs. 9.5 oz. (well, depending which doctor office scale! ;) This is in the 4th percentile. On the GROWTH CHART! :) Height: 29 inches (28th%) Head Circumference: 48 cm (94th %...we still have the large noggin' going on!) Even though you gave us a lot of stressors about your eating. You are a big boy. You are a big boy in our world. SO BIG! And you just LOVED your birthday cake! You put it in your mouth all by yourself and you ate it with some funny looks!

• FOOD: You eat about 4-5 oz. each feeding still about every 4 hours during the day. Depends how long you nap! GI doc doesn't want us replacing your nutrition meals (bottles) with baby food just yet. We still fortify mama's milk to 27 calorie with Neosure. We do feed you baby food so we don't miss out on a stage in your development. Your oral motor skills have developed so nicely! (Said the Speech Therapist who evaluated your eating just last week!) You like most baby food, but you love to grab the spoon, and want to feed yourself. It's a messy ordeal, but you're worth it. Best to not create any sensory aversions, so play away son! Next up: Learning how to drink from a straw (with a honey bear straw)..this will help his muscles for speech! You CRY and FUSS when you see mama preparing the bottle for you. LOVE this! I love that you want to eat now! (Be encouraged other preemie mamas, it can happen!) You also hold your own bottle, no problem! 
• FAVORITE FOODS: Sweet Potatoes and Bananas (Baby Food)
• TEETH: 2 on bottom, 4 poling through on top...which have taken forever! Three finally are showing white. One still working on it. *Had to add this: You laugh and giggle when we brush your teeth. You also have already bitten your sister, yes, in the bathtub, and you drew blood. She should have known putting her fingers in your mouth might have resulted in this. Daddy consoled Ellie, but secretly I was thinking "atta" boy...way to defend yourself. After all, she does mall love on you 293509235809 times a day!
• SLEEP: You sleep through the night. You are a pacifier boy. You prefer to be rocked to sleep (lately) with your bottle, and wrapped in Aunt Marie's quilt she made for you, then put down in your crib where you roll to your side, open your mouth for your paci with out even opening your eyes. You take two naps a day. You are such a happy boy when you wake up from your naps. I usually find you in your crib sitting up. You stood up in your crib once, but then we lowered your crib mattress. 
• CLOTHES: You wear 6-9 month clothes. 9 month fit better for length, but are still a tad big. You wear a size 2.5 diaper. Yeah, they don't make those. But we are doing some cloth diapering too.  Oh, and YES...we know we are behind on the dream calendar...we need to get on that!
• GROSS MOTOR SKILLS: You are army crawling like the best of them. You have improved on your left/right leg and arm movement, so I think creeping is almost here! We have been practicing a lot with PT and OT to get you on your hands and knees! He has learned to pull himself to standing on the couch when the cushion isn't on. We are doing OT every week, and PT three times a month to try and get over this "hump." You borderline cheat when you sit up by yourself. You use your head to get you started, which is cute, but not sure the PT/OT crew would like that. ;)
• FINE MOTOR SKILLS: You bang toys together, claw for table food, feed yourself puffs and yogurt melts, but we are still working on the pincher grasp. 
• ODD FAVORITES: You are infatuated with electrical cords, carpet fibers, toes, and the bottom rubber side of rugs. I am always having to watch what you have in your mouth these days. Just when I think I have everything babyproofed, you find something else. 
• SPEECH SKILLS: You are starting to babble more, but not enough...so you get to have Speech Therapy come once a month. You say ba, ba, ba, can roll your tongue like a spanish person, click your tongue, growl, scream. Yesterday, I thought you said da-da, but Ellie and I couldn't get you to do it again.
• TICKLE SPOTS: neck, legs, sides under arm pits. 
• EYES: Still sporting the eye patch for 45 minutes a day on the right eye. We go back to ophthalmology tomorrow actually!
• SISTER: You are becoming so tough. Your sister loves to hold you, mall you, roll you over, pull you away from things your not supposed to get into. I want you to know that I do tell her over and over that "she is not the mom, she is the sister." I think she means well. After all, her love language is physical touch. Ellie isn't going to preschool this year, so she is with us 25/7!
• FRIENDS: You like having your buddy, Davis, over at our house for another kiddo to look at, smile at, steal pacifiers from, go on walks with...it will be fun when he gets older. I bet you two will be lots of trouble! :) Mommy is watching Davis (who is 3 months) full-time to help his family out, and to help our family pay off those lovely medical bills hopefully by the end of this year. He is so different than both of my kiddos. He actually likes to eat, and it's just fun having a "termie" in the house! :) Fun to see his development at an actual/real age. :) However, you do sometimes get jealous when I'm holding Davis. You like to come to my feet and hang on to my pants. 
• SICKNESS: He battled through his first GI/Stomach bug. He took pedialyte like a champ, which I was so thankful! We all actually got it (when we were in Iowa), so that was no fun. He hasn't been "respiratory" sick yet...and we are SO PRAYING it stays this way. We just want him to grow bigger and stronger. He doesn't qualify for Synagis (to help boost his immunity to fight RSV) this year, so we I am a bit nervous. Yes, I know he is going to get sick sometime. But it's just hard to know how he will respond to a cold with his preemie lungs. We are going into RSV Lockdown again this lovely cold and flu season. (Mr. Davis boy gets to be his only friend for awhile!) Please pray for protection for our sweet boy. 

We celebrated Beckett's birthday FOUR TIMES this year! Absolutely! One with the Gramkow side, the Weber side, just Team Gramkow on his actual day, and our Fort Worth "family." We are SO thankful for the love and support through this past year. I KNOW we couldn't have made it through with out all of your prayers and encouragement.

Beckett is ONE!
Thank you Jesus for giving us this precious gift of celebrating ONE year with our boy! What a beautiful milestone. May we all continue to learn more about You through our continued journey...

*(Ok, I was fighting with the pictures and placement...I give up!)

Bathtub Screams: Verbal? I think so. This totally counts.

 

Brother & Sister

Ok. Ok. I know I haven't blogged lately. Honestly, these past couple weeks, I have just been soaking it in. Loving the time with both my miracle babies. I am so thankful for the good days.

I remember when we were in the NICU, thanking God for Beckett's good days...so I could have the energy to help and be there for other parents in the NICU with us. And now...it just makes my heart so heavy to see so many others still have to endure the "storms" that come with the NICU journey...and even after coming home. But I am so thankful that God gives us hope. Hope for the good days...which are so hard to see when we are in the storm.


Beckett is so expressive. He smiles showing his two teeth after every nap! He is so happy when he wakes up! Thanking God DAILY for this joy.

I have had so much fun with my kids lately. It's hard not to get bogged down by the hard times...to dwell on the hard times....to wish I wouldn't have had to go through the hard times. Month of May when Beckett was eating/not eating every 2 hours...that was exhausting. But the past two weeks, Ellie has tried to mimic every Olympic sport on TV, Beckett watched every move so intently. I finally feel like this "dare I say normal" to what I thought having two kids would be like. It looks different than what I expected, but I'm ok with that. Today I'm ok with that, and I'm choosing joy.


And my Beckett loves to be held by his mama. I LOVE that my Beckett loves to be held by his mama. I'm holding him right now actually. And he's reaching for every paper on the desk. I love that he can do that!

I feel like we are "over" the feeding woes hump (I almost hesitate to say that cause you other preemie mamas can relate with the worry that...well, he's doing good now...is it going to stay that way?), now that his reflux is managed, and we got him to like the bottle again, and I know my stress has lessened because he's eating better. He still only takes 3-5 oz. at a setting. And maybe I've just gotten more chill with the idea of adjusting my expectations. I have come to terms with the fact that he is just going to be a slow grower. And probably will never take large volumes. He is doing well with the pureed foods. He doesn't like squash so far. He makes the funniest face when we feed him that!

Beckett is getting so much more interactive! He likes to play! He is mobile via army crawling. :) We are still working on PT/OT. He is working on sitting up. He likes to shift his pelvis to lean forward which makes him not want to use his tummy muscles like he should. He has always been an "extender" so this is not a surprise. He has however, a few times, gone from sitting (to hand propping) to tummy. He does really well sitting up when he has a toy that he can prop on infront of him. Again, not wanting to use his tummy muscles. So this week's PT homework involves a lot of "ab workouts" which he hates. But just like the neck control...we do exercises to strengthen...now it's the core. Once he has mastered his ab workouts, then we'll work on standing (He does stand on your lap, but is sure wobbly).

Ok...out of time now...will update on how the ECI 6 month screening went for his developmental areas next blog post...

But here are some at least cute pictures to leave you with! :)