Merry Christmas from Team Gramkow!

We became Kansans halfway through the year, and it has been a whirlwind ever since. A good whirlwind.

Ben has thoroughly enjoyed the start of his new Engineering career at Garmin. He still is working in Avionics, but it is quite a different than working for a government contractor. He has had to learn a whole new set of ways to do business, but he loves learning so it has been a win-win for him. I love how he's so fascinated by new, intricate, technical things. He did have his yearly review the other day and said he really feels like he's where he wants to be right now career-wise. So that's good, because remember...we are never moving again. :) He still has his hobby of photography, but that has been put to the side due to being a homeowner. Yep, we are realizing the to-do list just never ends.

Ellie, is now 5 going on 15. Yep, she is going to be an emotional, sensitive girl. Little dramatic. Sounds about right based on her genetic pool, right? ;) She has loved going to preschool two days a week, and wishes she could go everyday. I think she will be ready for Kindergarten next year for sure, and our elementary school is just a couple blocks away! She is reading paragraphs, and probably has more of a vocabulary than her mom! She's even pretty good at math. We are trying to work on how to be a good friend. She's pretty shy at school. I think it has been an adjustment social wise since we've kept her home the past few years due to bringing sickness home. Ellie used to countdown until the weekend when "Daddy didn't have to work", but now it's to Monday, when she and dad go to "work." I just chuckle when she and Ben (who usually eat breakfast together) part ways in the morning, and she says "Good-bye, Engineer." I so wonder what she's going to be when she grows up. However, currently she can't get past being a princess. Everything is princess around here. She even prays for princess dreams. A highlight was going to ride in the Cinderella carriage (dressed up as Cinderella of course) at the Plaza. She was in heaven! We've also grown to really love the new princess movie, Frozen! Last weekend she got to go see Beauty and the Beast, the Broadway musical. She thought that was pretty neat too, and is ready to see Cinderella in the "people version." Ellie's hair still looks like Cinderella. It has come a long way since the great hair cutting tragedy of February 2013 which left her looking like Tinkerbell. Now we're trying to grow it out like Rapunzel. This in-between princess hair growth stage has been hard. Ah, but Ellie just has the sweetest heart. She is such a great helper with her brother (when they're not fighting), with cooking, and anything Ben is fixing. She took gymnastics and is memorizing Bible verses in Awana. I think she may try dance in the future. I think she likes the fact that she can watch herself dance in the mirror at dance class. ;) I can't believe my Ellie is already 5. I do think the years could slow down, please and thank you.

Beckett (aka Bman) is now 27 months (23 months adjusted age). He is just so blasted cute. This is such a fun stage. He's starting to jabber and talk more and more each day. His recent development was saying his own name "Beckett" which sounds like "Bucket," with a British accent but it's super cute. He also just a couple days ago started making the smooch/kiss sound, and leaned in to kiss my cheek. Talk about making mama's heart melt. He hasn't repeated that as much as I'd like, but we're working on it. :) We continue to do speech therapy with Infant Toddler Services of Johnson County every other week. Physical therapy...we are seeing again after the first of the year, but I think we may be discharged soon! For the most part he has animal sounds down (still working on sheep not saying moo) and body parts (still working on ears not being eyes). His favorite words as of now are: cheese, Ellie, Mama, Dada ... OH, and actually he is really good at saying Bye, Bye Dada. Yep, that's a phrase! boots, shoes, socks, coat. Milk is still "ilk" and light is still "ight." I was hoping those would be quick fixes maybe after his ear tubes were put in, but no change yet. I'm happy to report that I think (fingers crossed) we have an asthma action plan in place that Beckett's lungs and airway are responding positively to when he gets a cold virus. We haven't had to visit the ER in quite a while, and we are SO thankful! We actually even these past few colds have not had to use an oral steroid either. Praise Jesus! We shall see how the "rest" of cold and flu season pans out. Beckett is our silent destroyer. He's into everything, but just doesn't make a peep. Man, I'm so thankful that he's a climber, and so curious...but this mama is tired! ;) So fun to see the differences between a girl and a boy! Bman isn't the greatest eater. He's super active, and super picky. He hasn't gained any weight since August, so the doctor has recommended weigh gainer (aka pediasure) to try and help this. So far he is drinking it. We'll see if he's gained any at our next doctors appointment in January. 

I've been trying to get settled, but feel like life just needs to pause so I can actually catch up! We have things on the walls, so that's a plus. But we've found that since we live closer to family...we've been even MORE busy on the weekends. What a great problem! We even made plans to see both sets of family for both Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. That's a first in many years! Unfortunately that was spoiled by a stomach bug that hit all four of us at once. Yikes! That is a story in itself, but suffice it to say we will not soon forget it. So now we are back in Kansas City really having ourselves a Merry little Christmas ... just the four of us.

We have met some great neighbors, and have found a great church and weekly small group Bible study. I've also gotten to attend MOPS. I was thinking I would sit back and just take the first semester here off, but I'm actually helping teach Ellie's Awana Cubbies class, and I've already helped start the NICU Helping Hands NICU Mom's support group in Topeka (Topeka is the NICU where Ellie was born). I'm also planning on becoming a licensed day care provider, so the doors of Mandy School will reopen hopefully by next school year, if not sooner. I'm not sure how long all the paperwork will take me. I'm continuing to sell Rodan+Fields Dermatologists skin care products on the side, and still do have my long term eye on going back to school to become a NICU nurse. Just of course not sure when that will actually become a reality.

We have been so blessed by so much this year. We continue to marvel at the ways in which the Lord provides for our family. We are so thankful that God sent His Son for us, as a baby. May you celebrate His birth with true joy and gratitude from the heart.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESUS!

This video is the beautiful reality...

November is Prematurity Awareness Month.

You can't get any more aware then this. This is the beautiful reality. I watch this and in my head replay my own video of Beckett and I.

Tears streaming down my face.

This was Team Gramkow.

This was Team Gramkow twice.

Words can't even describe my heart..I know many of you saw the pictures of our sweet preemies when they were born...but this...

THIS is reality...

THIS is the beautiful reality...

THIS is a true window into our NICU world with our Sweet Beckett and our Sweet Ellie.

What a precious gift Ward's parents have as this beautiful keepsake....

Click on the link to watch: http://vimeo.com/78393869

Dear Beckett. You are Two.

Dear Beckett Boy,
You are two little buddy.

Mama can't sleep tonight, but maybe it's because she just needed this time to write, reflect and thank God for you. I can't wait until you can read about your story...and guess how much I love you.

I will never be able to thank God...enough...for you.

Two years ago, right at this moment, mama and dada were very scared. Mama just had her ambulance ride to the hospital where you'd spend your first 88 days of life. But don't ask me what the inside looks like, because I never opened my eyes. I just tried to keep calm, breathing and praying for you to stay put just a little while longer. You had just "turned" 25 weeks gestation.

Two years ago, right at this very moment, our friends and family were praying for you. You see we officially named you the night before your birthday, so that they could pray for you, by name.

Two years ago, I was praying for peace, I was screaming for peace. I could feel the pain not only physically, but already emotionally for the journey we were about to embark on once again. You see, mommy and daddy had a plan, but God's peace was given to us in a different plan. I could feel Him with us that night, even though I was very scared.

Two years ago, I was praying for bed rest. I knew too much from your big sister's premature birth. I wanted us to just calm down, and stay in the hospital on bedrest for the next 15 weeks. I knew how much one more day in the womb meant in your development.

Two years ago, the nurse and your daddy couldn't ever tell me that your contractions had slowed. I was maxed out on medicine, but you still just wanted to come meet us. Daddy and I were still in denial this was happening even though we knew you were coming.

Two years ago, we met the DRG, and yes, he will tell you the most crazy story of how mama acted when we met in the delivery room. I blame the silly medicine. But you see, it's another way of how God was taking care of us. All of us. You see I was supposed to meet with Mrs.DRG that next morning to find out how I could volunteer with NICU Helping Hands. She did come meet us still, at the hospital, at our meeting time and even brought us a birthday cake because it was indeed your birthday. Dr. Grubbs was meant to be there for your birthday. I am pretty sure God was in on that call schedule making.

Two years ago, I cried as I was forced to deliver you. My body wouldn't have it any other way. I knew you were too early, and it was so hard having no control. 3 weeks earlier than sister. Only a couple pushes because you were so small. And we were too late for the re-peat C-Section because you progressed too quickly through the birth canal.

But you know what the best birthday gift that you gave your mama and dada two years ago?

You cried.

You cried right after you were born.

We didn't hear Ellie cry for days after she was born.

You cried. And we knew that was a good sign for your lungs.

Mama and Dada just lost it when you cried. We were flooded with tears of thankfulness that you cried.

I still remember that first cry.

Two years ago, at 4:43 am, they whisked you away. You weighed 2 lbs. 2.6 oz. We knew you were in good hands with the DRG, and the rest of the NICU team, but mama and dada were very sad as we sat in an empty room. Our nurse congratulated us, but we didn't want to hear it. We were sad and very scared.

Two years ago, we cried, and just stared at the wall in denial, trying to let all our exploding emotions some how surface. We had to wait a few hours until you were stabilized for us to come see you.

Two years ago, I actually got to ride in a wheelchair to come see you. I asked which isolette was mine, and Nurse Vicki pointed me to your bedside. You were so small, but I could tell already you were so brave.

Two years ago, you were supposed to be our miracle. You are STILL our miracle. And you are a testimony of God's healing and provision right before our very eyes. We are so thankful for you, miracle boy. And thankful that friends and family prayed with us this night...two years ago.

_____
Two years ago, Beckett. Two years. It's been a hard two years. It's been a great two years.

But now...

Now life with you as a two-year-old...is such a blessing.

Now, you love to watch fire trucks, ambulances and police cars go by...you love the flashing lights and are starting to say "woo-woo."

Now, you know your name. You recognize your name. You respond to your name with such a cute smile. You also respond to Beckett No-No by saying "no-no-no-no" back to me.

Now, you pray with us at the dinner table by folding your sweet little hands over the high chair table.

Now, God has still shown his awe in your development. You walk, go up and down stairs, you climb on and into EVERYTHING. Even though I thought you needed more time inutero to develop, you are doing AMAZING work finding new pathways on your own.

Now, your lungs and breathing still stress mama out. Very much. We've gotten to go into the hospital twice in the past 6 weeks little boy. You don't like the hospital. You don't like being confined to a crib in the hospital. You are fascinated by trying to take off all the wires, but you don't like them. I don't blame you. Hopefully we'll get a good plan of action to help manage your asthma at the specialist tomorrow.

Now, we miss the DRG and MRS. terribly, but are happy to be closer to sister's NICU to start giving back here. We know that your and sister's story is helping mama and dada in turn help other NICU and preemie parents who are too having to experience the NICU journey.

Now, you are a big boy! Growing so nicely along your growth curve. You are a self-feeder, and are starting the picky toddler stage too. Last summer, you still were a STINKER with eating, but I'm so thankful that is behind us. We're still working on not having to bear claw food, but fine-motor-tuning will come.

Now, you have different kinds of cry. The whiney cry. The hurt cry. The I want that cry. The I'm getting malled by sister, come save me cry. The I want my mama cry. And I love them all.

Now, I get to hold you all the time, whenever I want. And when I hold you, I often think about the first time I held you, on day 3, when you were just under two pounds. I love that your body stretches out almost to where you won't fit anymore on my lap.

Now, we still enjoy EVERY single day. EVERY single breath as a gift.

We love you so much sweet Beckett boy. This mama loves you SO much.

Love,
Your favorite girl

You know you're a mom of a respiratory kiddo when...

Yes. I know. Two blog posts in one night. This one has been brewing since Beckett's last hospital stay. Respi Mamas: What would you add to this list?

You know you're a mom of a respiratory kiddo (aka Respi) when...
1. You seriously consider investing stock in Albuterol.2. In the hospital, you try and figure out how you can steal the wall unit of O2. Seriously, the home nebulizer doesn't work nearly as fast delivering meds as those bad boys.
3. The words crackle take on a new meaning. Course Crackle. Loose Crackle. And no, it's not your breakfast, Rice Krispies. It's your preemie's lung sounds.
4. You can identify all the signs of retraction, and where. Ribs, accessory muscles, collar bone area, head bobbing, nasal flaring. That's right moms, learn the lingo. Impress those doctors with your symptom watching skills.
5. You watch the clock counting down 1. until the next albuterol breathing treatment and 2. until the steroids fully kick after 10-12 hours. Two fold however. Thankful they can breathe. Not as thankful for the wired behavior that follows.
6. The nurses and doctors listen to your kiddo's lung sounds, and you're taking deep breaths too.
7. You have an overnight bag (aka "the evil admit bag") packed within 24 hours of your child's first cold symptoms.
8. You understand and are also annoyed that RAD (reactive airway disease) is asthma in a kiddo under 2, and indeed is not rad, like cool.
9. You actually sometimes pray it's just viral and NOT bacterial...pneumonia that is. Seems so weird to cheer for a virus that you can't really "treat."
10. You know the difference between stridor and wheezing, and help to educate your friends. Here's a little trick to help you remember. Stridor has an "i" in it, so it's on the inhalation. Inhalation starts with an I. (So this is when you hear a whistle sound when they breathe "in"). Wheezing has an "e" in it, and most often wheezing is audible on the exhalation. Exhalation starts with an E. (So this is when you hear a whistle sound when they breathe "out") *Don't be fooled however because wheezing sometimes is not audible. Also, of note...coughing. Lots of coughing. Definitely can mean your kiddo is wheezing, but it's just not audible like the "typical" form of whistle-y wheezing is.

...And so continues the journey of learning "the lung"...

Pray for our sweet Beckett as we have now two hospitalizations under our belt, and it's NOT even cold and flu season yet!

Top 5: Update from the KANSAS Gramkows

Boy we love it here. We sure miss our Texas friends (although, it still kind of feels like were on an extended vaca), but we do love it here. And LOVE, LOVE, LOVE our house! Being closer to family #1. And LOVE this cooler weather. Oh to be in a state again where the evenings actually cool down. We are also getting more and more unpacked and settled. What a beautiful feeling. Change is always hard. Transitions are also tough. But this will be so worth it. I'm excited for what God has in store for our family on our new adventure as KANSAS Gramkows....again. 

P.S. Our new address is 651 N. Canyon Drive, Olathe, KS 66061. Yes, and that's Olathe. But you say it like "Oh-lay-the" with a "the" at the end not a "thee" at the end. :) So now I'll have two pronunciations to always correct. Gramkow with a long "o" sound, and now Olathe!

I'm back. Yes, back to blogging. Computer and office stuff unpacked, and sorted so no excuses now.

And for the update. ELLIE IS FIVE. How did this happen?

Ellie's Top 5:

1. She's started Pre-K at a preschool at a church two days a week, and LOVES it. She'd go every day if she could. She is so excited about what she learns, and her favorite time is crafts. This is going to be so good for our Ellie. She's super shy at first, so I'm eager to see how she adapts socially. But our sweet Ellie has such a soft heart, like her mama. One day last week, I picked her up from school, and she was in tears because the girls on the playground wouldn't let her into the climby catepiller toy. They told her she couldn't because she wasn't their best friend. Seriously. This is starting already? So we've already had talks about being brave and letting friends know when our feelings are hurt. Wow. Hard parenting lessons for sure.
2. We are super blessed by our neighbors, the Robinsons, who moved in just a couple weeks before us. Turns out they are from Manhattan, and ALSO have a 4-year old Ellie, who I call by her real name now, Ellia, because it's just a tad confusing. Ellie LOVES playing with Ellia. Today in fact, they dressed up as Cinderella (Ellie) and the Fairy Godmother (Ellia in Tinkerbell's outfit) WHILE acting out the movie Cinderella II: Dreams Come True. Oh to be little again...
Conversation between Ellies today:
Ellie: Mom, Ellie is my best friend.
Ellia: Yeah, best friends forever.
Ellie: Yeah, we're BFFs.
(Seriously, she now says BFF? This girl has grown up to be 15 real fast!)
3. Opthalmology: Ellie has been turning her head now when she listens or watches TV. So that was a concern of mine, since she's still doing it even AFTER her tubes were put in her ears. Turns out (That woud be a Ben type pun there) that her eyes are fantastic, and so we're thinking it might be a habit that we now have to break. So Ellie can just follow up with a regular OD in a year! Wahoo! Beckett boy got his eyes checked too, and his eyes look GREAT following the strabismus surgery back in March. So we will recheck him in 60 months. As for Ellie's ears, we follow up with ENT Oct. 20. But at her well-child check, the tubes were still doing their job! So far Ellie has only really been sick with allergies. VERY thankful for this! Pediatric dental appointment also scheduled, to continue monitoring her missing enamel from her teeth due to prematurity. Beckett will get to go for the first time too...total second child syndrome there. Whoops.

4. Ellie LOVES her new room, her new basement, her new yard. She loves the house and all the space to run. She loves the new scooter she got for her birthday. And I also scored a new bike for her last weekend at a garage sale for $2. I got a bike too for $20, so now she's excited for Girls Day bike rides. We're still far from this however because Ellie hasn't learned the art of balance. It will come. We have lots of awesome trails in our neighborhood. And once we get the dukes of hazard driveway fixed, it will be a lot better (that's getting fixed Friday!!) She also LOVES her new piano. Thank you Grandma and Grandpa Gramkow. You really saved us. You see, my mom and dad got rid of MY awesome upright piano with out even consulting me first. I've played already quite a bit, and Ellie and I are going thru some books too. Yep, pretty sure she's going to play by ear just like I did. :)

5. Ellie's in Awana this year, but she's having a hard time adjusting because her Jonathan isn't there. She also will start gymnastics in October with her BFF, Ellia. They are just a TAD excited. Our neighborhood has 3 pools, so we got to take advantage of that the past month before it closed. Ellie really improved in her swimming. She can jump off the side and swim back to the steps no problem! That kick is getting stronger! We celebrated Ellie's Birthday this year at the Lake with the Gramkow family in Pretty Prairie. Ellie got super spoiled by Uncle David, and got to "drive" the boat and ride on the jetski! Still cannot believe she is 5!

Beckett's Top 5
1. Can't believe he is going to be TWO on Sept 23! That is NEXT MONDAY people! He is such a happy boy. And life is SO busy with him! So thankful for each and every step and climb he makes, but man, is he into everything!
2. Physical therapy is underway with Infant-Toddler Services of Johnson County, and am impressed with our PT! She's going to be coming once a month. Beckett's balance is still pretty off, but we're also thinking that he's just having to work hard to combat the large head and long torso he has going on. His feet turn inward slightly so we're watching that too. Our homework this week was to get him on lots of different textures/surfaces so he can practice! He's also mastered steps going down on his belly. He gets a little too brave sometimes and tries to use the railing which has resulted in some tumbling. :( We're also working on helping him correct core when he sits - so by placing toys up higher where he has to reach to come midline. Then also when he sits, we can trigger his back by also including speech "saying big and tall" to remind him to sit straight. He however laughs everytime thinking I'm tickling him. We honestly haven't gotten to work on my physical therapy though because the poor little guy has been sick!
3. Yes, that's right. SICK. Respiratory sick. Boo. Preemie lungs. Boo. We've been in the hospital twice since we moved in July. The first one we were visiting my sister in Minnesota, where his retractions were just getting too bad, and we had to go to the ER. His oxygen saturation was 87 when we got there, and we then earned an overnight stay in the hospital. Viral pneumonia. Translation: A cold that settled in Beckett's lungs. But so thankful we were at Mayo. Well, at least now we have a clinic number in case we ever need to revisit. It also made me smile when the ER admitting resident was a TCU alum, yes, he did flash the horned frog sign at me! :) Being in the hospital with this busy toddler was pretty exhausting for all of us. Hard when they're hooked up to all the wires they don't want on, and can't understand what's going on either. We unfortunately got to go back to the hospital for a little longer stay last weekend. This was our first time at Children's Mercy- South which is in Overland Park. He had to be on supplemental oxygen this time, which was such a bummer. But if it's what he needs to get over the hump, then we'll do it. However, getting a cold and then getting admitted to the hospital each time is not fun. Please pray as we navigate what is the best care plan for Beckett. With RAD or asthma it does take some time to figure out how best to manage it. Obviously, a simple cold, is a trigger for Beckett. And he's also showing us that he doesn't really have a "yellow" zone. He goes straight to the RED. So because of this, it's going to require more steroid medication, which I'm not too thrilled about. But obviously we have to weigh the benefits to the risks. And benefit #1: Breathing. Also pray too as this cold and flu season, I just have a feeling, is going to be brutal. Pray with us that Beckett's lungs can heal from these last two colds completely, before the next one hits. (which we just know in all reality, is unevitable)
4. Speaking of understanding, he actually IS getting more vocal. Beckett gets Speech Therpay once a week. He now is really starting to copy what we say. Beckett says mama, dada, el (for Ellie), no.no.no.no.no (usually in response to something Ellie trying to take away from him), and uh oh. Yesterday he said the word bib. And last week, he randomly in the car started saying Cock-a-doodle-do (well, the noise) when he saw a picture of a chicken. WAHOO! He is so precious when he talks. OH..AND I just have to share that he also understand the command "hug." It is SO cute. We'll say hug, and he comes running to you to give a hug. It's super sweet when he goes to Ellie. They both have their arms wide open when they are running toward each other.
5. Beckett is a full-time self feeder. He really wants to eat what everyone else is. He's still working on the pincher grip, but that will come. He loves shredded wheat and yogurt. His love for bananas is more of a like for bananas now. He's also showing some "normal" picky toddler eating behavior. Not too thrilled about pastas, but can sure put the meat down. He is growing well, and I'll be anxious to see what he weighs at his well-child check on his birthday. He also signs milk and water, along with eat, grapes, bananas. We're currently working on signing help, play and shoes. 

Well, I was going to do a Ben and Mandy's Top 5 too...but that will have to wait until next time! Goodnight ya'll!

 

We like KANSAS! We have a HOUSE! We close TOMORROW!

And this is how Team Gramkow feels about it...

SOOOOO excited we laugh like chipmunks...

seriously...remember this post for your bad days when you just need a good laugh. :)

More updates soon!

"The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps."

Dear Lord,

Give me the words to write...so they might encourage just one. I've deleted and re-typed about 100 times. I know you're prompting me to write..you have made me to desire community...to share with ones we do life with...so may it just show a glimmer of how You are bringing Team Gramkow back to Yourself. 

Amen.

The heart of man plans his way, but the LORD establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9

Sorry I've been MIA. I find that life has been super crazy busy lately, but that's no good excuse to not update the blog for Mom, Wendy and Grandpa Whipple. ;) I also find that even in my outgoing personality, when things are just chaos, I choose to distance.

We are still one blessed family. And I hate that I fall to the weakness not remembering this every moment of every day. We are blessed that Ben got a new job in Kansas. We were always looking to get back toward the Northland, and knew that Kansas City area would probably be our best bet. We prepared for our move in a short two weeks, and Ben started at Garmin on July 1. We've been living with our awesome friends (from K-State undergrad) here in Olathe since we moved. We will move into our temporary apartment in Overland Park on July 27, with a two month lease.

And we've been house hunting. We were hoping to find our "house" the first weekend to maybe avoid the whole moving twice thing. I still cling to a false hope that it might actually happen, but I'm being unrealistic at this point. 

And let me just say that I have a new found respect for all of you couples who have bought a house. Wowzas. And I know us Gramkows are on the slow train, as this is yes, our first home purchase. And you would think by now that I'd be a pro at this whole "stress" thing since ya know, we had two premature infants with a long NICU stay, but nope. It's an interesting dynamic as I found myself completely out of control in the NICU, trusting God with our children's lives. I had to. With the house hunting...I think I've put a burden on myself that I do have control. And that's where I'm leaving the trusting God part out. And I then wonder why the stress just exhausts me. Because I "think" I have control. 

Still don't like it. That stress stuff...it's no good sin I tell ya. 

And it's been so disheartening that the stress of it all has stolen the joy that has come with our exciting new adventure. I've let it steal the joy. 

We've looked at more than 40 houses. And still haven't found "the one."

We've decided to take a break...kind of. But this kind of break is really one that is showing me what's going on in my heart. Yes, my UGLY heart that I've shown the past month, the UGLY heart that has been disrespectful to my husband, my UGLY heart that has just plain out avoided my friends and family who have reached out to us in the move. 

Our poor realtor, bless her heart, pretty much had a counseling session with us yesterday. She just returned from her mission's trip to Africa. (We had a sweet fellow realtor showing houses to us while she was gone) And in true Mandy fashion, just full-out lost it. Yes, I was a blubbering mess in the McDonalds kids' play area. I try too hard to hold it all in. And well, now that I've had a really good cry, even though my eyes are still SUPER puffy today, I do notice God is reminding both Ben and I that we are supposed to be in this together.

What have we been really doing this past month? Fighting. Fighting because we are both being WAY stubborn in what type of house we want to buy. A HOUSE! Seriously, after all we've been thru with WAY more important things, we've let this just divide us. We've continually been UGLY to each other. And somehow we think this is going to lead us to what God would have for us next. 

So thankful our realtor, who we are so thankful is a believer, just looked at us, and said...you guys need some time to get on the same page, to get re-unified. And she encouraged us to take a break to fast and pray. She reminded us that we are a good balance for each other, but if we're not willing to work toward each other, with some compromise, then we are wasting our time.

But ultimately, we need some faith with that wisdom. I need more faith to trust that God is going to orchestrate our path to the right neighborhood with the right schools, and that he will protect us from harm. I'll admit I'm Safety Sally, and it is a high priority to know that I'm moving in a "safer" neighborhood, a more established community. The break into our house in Fort Worth definitely didn't help my matters any. I am just FEARFUL. FEARFUL FREDA. I just want us to be protected. But I do need to remember that God did protect us on the day of the break in. We weren't home. Stuff is just stuff, and in the end we were all ok. Ben has some things he is working on too. (But all of you who know him well, know he's a super private person, so I'll not share them publicly on the blog)

So I even hesitate to write this...I don't know why...but just being vulnerable is hard. But even though we're on this journey as Christ Followers, doesn't mean we get it right a majority of the time. Thank GOD for forgiveness.

Ben and I celebrated 8 years of marriage two days ago, and we still are figuring things out. What does your relationship look like to be centered on God? We've always struggled with what this should look like for us. And sure we prayed together lots for Beckett, but honestly since we've been out of the real hard preemie stuff...that's fallen to the way side. 

So thankful that HE brings us back...even if it's through our realtor that just knows that we need some refocused time with the Lord. So what did we do today? Fasted and prayed over lunch. Yep. Drove to Garmin, and we just sat in the car during his lunch hour (with Beckett in the back ;) and prayed...asking God for grace toward each other, asking God for forgiveness for how UGLY we have been to each other, forgiveness for how we are trying to take complete control ourselves. We also read from Proverbs. A book that my analytical husband, who values knowledge and wisdom, really likes. We are broken, stubborn people...what a mess! But we are exhausted, and just plain can't do it on our own anymore. Man, I'm so glad God can make a beautiful thing from such a mess. 

God continually takes me to the place where I have to say "I give up" ....ok, God you can have it. Why can't I figure out that the trusting God part should be present the WHOLE time...always being in communion with Him? Stupid sin.

And yes, I wholeheartedly believe in God. I have TWO miracle babies that remind me of this EVERY SINGLE DAY. Our God is SO GOOD. And He has an amazing house in store for Team Gramkow. He has always provided for us before, and I know he will continue to. We are blessed. We are so blessed.

It's SOOOOO good for me to write this out, and remind myself that we are SO BLESSED! SO THANKFUL and BLESSED!

And I just feel awkward asking for prayer for our "house" situation because like I said before...it's just a house.

But...if you want to continue to journey with us...please pray for:

1. Clarity for Ben and I on our budget and house needs.

2. God to remove the fear and anxiety out of Mandy's heart.

3. Our new neighbors whoever they may be.

4. Ben and I to extend a ridiculous amount of GRACE to each other in this process, however long it may be.

5. For the kids. Ellie keeps asking me if we've found our new house yet.

6. Patience!

Love You Friends, even amidst the distance... and the avoidance...know that I still love you all... :)

"The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD." Proverbs 16:33

Burgers 4 Babies Update

UPDATE: THANKS so much to those of you who have ordered Pixie Dots Jewelry or Rodan + Fields Dermatologist Skincare from me this month (where my commission will go to NICU Helping Hands) Currently Team Gramkow has $1000 pledged for our table at Burgers 4 Babies! Only $2000 more to go! And I wanted to let you know that you may now donate online via the NICU Helping Hands Web site, if you feel led.

1. Go to http://www.nicuhelpinghands.org

2. Click on the DONATE button along the top.

3. There you will be able to enter an amount, and you can pay via paypal or with a credit card.

5. And please email me at mandysue@gmail.com and let me know if you made a donation, so I can double check NHH received it! I guess there isn't a way to indicate in a comments section to donate toward Team Gramkow, so do e-mail me so we can be on the lookout!

THANK YOU SO MUCH for even considering donating! And P.S. Notice the cute family on the NICU Helping Hands page??? :) We love our Beckett!

Love,

The Gramkows

Tax Day: SO THANKFUL!

Tax Day: A day I will never complain about. Team Gramkow will forever be grateful to you, fellow TAXPAYERS, in helping pay for both Ellie and Beckett's medical costs while they were in the NICU. They both qualified for the federal government low-birth weight program (because they weighed less than 2 lbs. 10 oz.), which automatically qualified each of them for Medicaid while they were in the NICU. And although, unfortunately the Medicaid system sometimes gets abused, I want you to know there ARE those of us who are FOREVER grateful for these programs. We could NOT have made it through both our premature birth medical expenses with out this financial assistance from our TAXES. Your TAXES! So thank you for supporting Team Gramkow in this way. So. So. Thankful.

God can meet you even at the kitchen sink...

I love blogging, it causes me to write, sit and reflect and see the good work that the Lord has done in our lives. Actually I think my time at Jardine really helped me take the time to reflect in every area of my life. After talking about Burgers4Babies fundraising last night, and our efforts to support NICU Helping Hands, I can't help but just be so THANKFUL for the ways in which God gave us TWO miracles. And you got to see it too. You experienced this right along side us.

I couldn't agree more with what one of my bestie preemie mama friends, Robyn said. "I actually want to trade my extraordinary miracle birth experience with "normal". Really, it doesn't make sense at all. I mean God shows His glory through either experience. But I KNOW my relationship with Him is different, better, and deeper because of what He chose for me. And that is better."  (Read her full post here!) And it depends on the day...I will always long to know what a normal birth experience is like, but you know what...some of us in this life just don't get to experience the expected. And that is ok. GOD is healing my heart for that to be ok. I don't need that reason for me to be thankful for His work in my life.

So I'm washing dishes at the kitchen sink today. Ellie was done eating, I got Davis cleaned up, got Beckett cleaned up and let them play while I finished cleaning our lunch dishes. And we start listening to Pandora to some Contemporary Christian music. And as I'm washing, the song 10,000 reasons comes on. (Now, I'm a little behind on my worship music due to the large amount of toddler tunes and Awana music that my 4-year old prefers) I hadn't heard this song before. It's probably old, now that I bring it up. Well, regardless. I love how God meets me through worship. Some of my closest times praising Jesus was in college through singing.

But it just brought me to tears. Have you really listened to the lyrics?
 Here is the song on YouTube

"10,000 Reasons (Bless The Lord)"

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me
Let me be singing when the evening comes

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

You're rich in love, and You're slow to anger
Your name is great, and Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons for my heart to find

[Chorus]
Bless the Lord, O my soul
O my soul
Worship His holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I'll worship Your holy name

And on that day when my strength is failing
The end draws near and my time has come
Still my soul will sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years and then forevermore

__________

God can meet you even at the kitchen sink...

and there I realized I definitely have 10,000 reasons to SING LIKE NEVER BEFORE.

And no matter what the frustration, the hard times,  the unmet expectation for my kids..
You know what?

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning
It's time to sing Your song again.

Jesus, thank you so much for putting Ellie and Beckett on loan to Ben and I. We are forever grateful, and may we always SING like never before until we meet you one day in Heaven.

Burgers 4 Babies: Project Team Gramkow Table

T-minus ONE month until Burgers 4 Babies. It's Thursday, May 9, 2013 at Tim Love's The Woodshed Smokehouse! AHHH! I'm a tad behind on my fundraising timeline. The bar is higher . This year to sponsor a table is $3000! YIKES! If you would like to come, please message me...if we get the table, we will have 8 seats! Tickets for Individuals are $175.

But Team Gramkow is sure going to try...and we can only do it with YOUR HELP!

I remember when I first checked out the NICU Helping Hands website when I was pregnant with Beckett. Dr. Hall had introduced me to Lisa Grubbs (now formerly known as Mrs. DRG) via Facebook, suggesting that I volunteer for them. I thought, sure...I would love to be an encouragement to "other" moms who had a preemie...and then went on to have a full-term pregnancy. But what I really liked was that they listed to be a support to parents AFTER they go home from the NICU. I saw such a need for this, and really would have benefited myself having something like this after Ellie.

And we all know the story, if you've been following our journey. September 23, Beckett boy joined us at 25 weeks gestation at 2 lbs. 2.26 oz. (yes, the .26 counts). TWO preemies for the Gramkows.

But I had NO idea how God would orchestrate our story by the amazing people we would meet because of Beckett's premature birth. That the DRG would be on call. That Mrs.DRG and I were supposed to meet to talk volunteer talk on the DAY Beckett was born. And I also knew, even though my volunteering would be postponed that I did semi-accumulate some I owe U Volunteer hours to the DRGs. Like, for example when I just so happened to text Lisa about how Beckett had blown through 6 IV sites, and WA-LAH...Dr.Grubbs just so happens to call Beckett's room to speak with the nurse to have a PICC placement ordered.

This family took SUCH great care of us, and we will always know that Beckett is one of DRG's favorites. So we LOVE the chance to give back through their organization, NICU Helping Hands.

We have been so blessed that our Sweet Beckett is continuing to grow and thrive! And we are so thankful that we have amazing friends who will babysit so we can go share at the NICU Helping Hands Parent Dinner nights at the Baylor NICU Downtown Fort Worth. This has been so good for Ben and I to share our story as we still continually process the chaos we went through these past 18 months.

In January, ah, it must have been before that...I can't remember. But I helped start the NICU Mom CONNECT group that meets monthly here in the DFW area. First meet-up we had 6, Second 3. Third like 12, Fourth 17 (where we made these birth-weight rice babies!) and Fifth 6. I've been to every one, and every one has been SUCH a blessing to my life. To my journey as I continue to be brave as a preemie mama, to talk about my feelings with others who have walked a similar road, and to just be in awe and amazement of these tiny babies' fight for their life. We've talked with tears in our eyes, we've laughed. We've shared advice. But I've learned so much from all of them. Oh, and we've all embraced hand sanitizer. Seriously, it is so comforted to know you aren't going be judged when you pull out the sanitizer. :)

All in all, I know volunteering with NICU Helping Hands is supposed to be a part of Team Gramkow's legacy. I've said it before, and I will say it time and time again. This life is not for us to walk alone. Our experiences shape us, and even the hard ones are meant to be shared. Shared because you just never know how it might relate or encourage someone else.

So please consider donating to our cause. I told Lisa I wouldn't fundraise unless I knew that the NICU Mom CONNECT made a line item in the budget for next year! She confirmed, so here we go!
You may send a check made out to NICU Helping Hands to:
Team Gramkow
Burgers 4 Babies
6612 Trail Lake Drive
Fort Worth, TX 76133


The money we raise will directly impact the work we are already doing as volunteers in serving other preemie parents in "the club." :)

****Oh! Oh! Oh! Forgot to mention that I'm having a Pixie Dots Hand-Stamped Jewelry Party Fundraiser  where all my commission will go toward Burgers 4 Babies! AND if you place a Rodan+Fields Dermatologists Skin Care order, I'm donating all that commission as well! Wahoo! 


Blessings to you all. We will always be forever grateful for your prayers and support to our family.
Love,
Ben, Mandy, Ellie and Beckett

Here are some great pics from last year's Burgers 4 Babies:

Hey! Hey! We're the Gramkows! Long OVERDUE Update

Hello Spring! We are SO glad you are here!
So here we go...quick Team Gramkow UPDATE! Long overdue...my apologies! The boys (Beckett and Davis) are napping, and Ellie is having reading and rest time, so here we go!

1. Beckett boy is now 18 months old! AHHH! He's growing up way to fast! He just hit his "adjusted age birthday" so developmentally he is 15 months! AND WE ARE FULL-FLEDGE WALKING! And he is even a climber now-a-days! Oh BOY! Boys are so different! For example: This morning we strolled to the park. Turns out it's a little different watching 3 kids at the park by yourself.
And with Beckett aka climber, brave pants, he may or may not have:
1. gone down the slide by himself head first where Ellie in front of him luckily caught him.
2. Lost his footing going up the stairs where mom caught him just in the nick of time.
3. went head first down the stairs where mom caught him just in the nick of time.
4. ate woodchips
5. licked the rock climbing wall as if that would help his leg lift
6. tryed to cimb and gnaw on the cement perimeter surrounding the playground.
7. ran NON stop like a wobbling zombie. (It's so cute. He is doing GREAT with uneven ground and different ground textures though!)
8. while swinging leaned forward so far I thought he was going to jump ship.

See I'm exhausted just writing about it. Talk about some boot camp training for this germ-a-phobe/worry-wart mom. I give up. Boys are just going to be boys. I guess this is part of it!

2. Yesterday was a SWEET day for Team Gramkow. And although it might not seem like a huge deal to everyone, it was to us. We went to church ALL FOUR of us! And mama was brave, well half-way brave. I kept Beckett with us during our Young/Marrieds class, but then did put him in the nursery during church. There were only two other kiddos in there, so that was comforting ;) But WOW...I can't believe how much I've missed that...missed sitting with Ben in church. We even stayed afterwards and "talked" to people. Like normal people do. It was a bit of a mixed emotion basket for me. It's almost like I was wanting to show off my baby...now that it was "safe"...but people don't notice an 18 month old like they notice a new baby in an infant carrier. Granted, our church has gone through a lot of turn over, but we're excited now that we've hired a new pastor! So not everyone knows our story...and that's ok...it'd not that they have to...I'm just sharing some perspective how it was a bit of mixed emotion. And I am so thankful for those who HAVE journeyed with us and celebrated with us when the Bman showed up for church with his new skills walking like a big boy down the hallway. It was a little hard though dropping him off. He did great, but as I looked at the other two kiddos...I knew who they were. I remember seeing one of their mamas pregnant when Beckett was in the NICU. It's hard because in some sense I feel like life has been on pause for the past 18 months. And I feel like I've missed out on a lot of my friends' kids' growing up! And I know I was where I needed to be, keeping Beckett home, but just hard. Constant re-focusing battle about choosing to celebrate where we are at NOW instead of grieving what we missed out on these past 18 months. So excited to get back into the swing of things that is for sure. AND after church we even went out to eat at a restaurant INSIDE (gasp). I know...growing experience for all of us. Beckett also chose to gnaw on the table that I had so kindly disinfected beforehand. But it was so good. It was a great FAMILY day for Team Gramkow out-and-about.

3. Bman's eyes are healing so well, and I do feel like his left one doesn't turn in as much. The bloody-ness is almost completely gone! We are back in a month, and we'll be able to tell more then if the surgery was a success. In the Physical Therapy world, Beckett is doing AWESOME! We actually got to decrease therapy to once a month, and then he might be discharged in a few! We are still watching his hips, as they are slightly misaligned when he walks, but this could also be a part of the learning and getting more comfortable. Our homework was to practice different walking surfaces like being outside, and I'd say he's passing with flying colors. He even likes to try and walk up slides. AND April 30 is our last Occupational Therapy visit, if he performs well on that day! We will miss Debbie so much since we've been with her since Beckett came home, but it's bittersweet! So proud of how far Beckett has come in the gross and fine motor skills!

4. Speech Therapy: We have felt that his Beckett Speech has progressed. He tries copying us a lot more with intonation and influctuation. Still no concrete animal sounds. (I seriously need to just move on, and get over that he might never say animal sounds!) But Ellie and I swear he said "Neigh" once. Also, we've incorporated the snake sound to the barnyard family. So he will copy and say "ssss" which is super cute! So it's a snake. I don't really like snakes, but I'll take it!
So his words are: All done (which he does sign too) which sounds like "Ah-du", daddy
He has quite a few in the jabber category. And he does sign All Done, "more" kind of...and he has done MILK once! (Well, repeated at one supper, but we haven't gotten him to do it again since!)
So I'm thinking next time our Speech Therapist comes we'll start increasing his frequency since he is making some steps forward with talking. Again, they say that this usually is the last to come after the gross and fine motor skills are developed.

5. Ellie. Oh my princess has actually been sporting the Rapunzel outfit daily for the past week. She prefers us to call her Rapunzel, and we usually get assigned a character as well. Even Davis. She also told me that she wants to grow her hair as long as Rapunzel's, so we shouldn't have to worry about any future scissor accidents, PRAISE JESUS! Her hair is growing out some, but she still asks me if it's long yet. :) I have to constantly remind her that "nope, not yet..it'll take a long time." She is reading SO well, and will sound out any word! We love going shopping together, although we have had to talk about manners, and I have gotten the occasional "Mom, shopping is boring" comment. She has really had a hard time lately with not having any friends her age to play with. This breaks my heart. I guess she's at the age where Mama, Beckett and Davis just aren't cutting it anymore. Hopefully if all goes well, she'll be back in "school" next year. I know she loves school! But man, I have so realized how impressionable she is at this age. Wow. Tough job for a parent at this age. Lot's of questions which require lots of on the spot answers. I so love how Ellie is just an encourager by nature. She cheers on her brother, and still will thank me when I bring home food from the grocery store. She's pretty much in love with Jon Jon, and does talk and SING about him often. It's a good thing their love is mutual. ;)

6. My life: Crazy busy, and I love it! I've really enjoyed getting my businesses off to a good start. I love learning about the scientific/medical side of the Rodan+Fields Dermatologists Skin Care stuff, and the Pixie Dots has been a fun creative component for me. I LOVE helping people, if you haven't noticed. I love that the Rodan+Fields products give hope for people who think there is none for their skin. I love that Pixie Dots hand stamped jewelry is a sentimental piece that has meaning for someone. Some have asked why I signed up for Pixie Dots. Well, through out my preemie journey x 2, I have encountered many mamas who have lost their babies. And I so wanted to give them something. Something to remember their sweet baby. I came across a website that talked about a necklace being a good gift, personalized....to remind mama that their sweet baby had life, had weight, and they can be reminded of that when they wear their mama necklace. So I also figured, if I'm going to gift these anyways, why not become a distributor to share this sentimental gift with everyone. So, this is it though. Only R+F and Pixie Dots for me. I love that my new jobs have so much personal meaning, can help bring in some income to Team Gramkow, and that I can still stay-at-home with my kiddos.

7. NICU Helping Hands. Oh, how I love giving back through this organization. I think we have about 30 walkers signed up with the NHH Team for the March of Dimes: March for Babies on April 20! This will be so fun to meet the families and miracle babies of my fellow preemie mom's group members! The mom's group meetings continue to be such a great healing component for me, and I just love connecting and encouraging other preemie mamas! AND what's even more exciting is that NHH has allocated more financial resources for our NICU Mom's CONNECT in next year's budget! WAHOO! So the main NHH fundraiser is coming up on May 9, Burgers for Babies, and Team Gramkow is going to try and get a table again this year! $3000 to raise...so we shall see! If you'd like to donate to this cause, please let me know! I will have more details about this tomorrow, as it will be one month out! If you want to come with us this year too, let me know!!

8. NHH Angel Gowns - Does anyone want to donate their wedding dress to NICU Helping Hands to turn them into angel gowns for our babies who have gone too soon? If you do have a daughter, or want a keepsake, they will also make a bridal piece for her bouquet out of your dress for you to have. And the coolest part...some of my fellow preemie mom's group members are helping sew them! But we need more seamstresses too!

Isn't this such a beautiful thing? I'll be donating my dress once my mom can dig it out of the closet!! :) I'm so thankful that Ellie will have a little keepsake from it though.

Ok...well, time is up... I hear a crying 4-year old who is probably bored of reading and rest time. ;)
More later,
Mandy

Be gone Cross Eyes (Strabismus), Be GONE!

Thanks SO much for your thoughts and prayers for Beckett. Beckett had his eye surgery yesterday. So far, so good as far as recovery. Dr. Packwood said everything went perfect, according to plan/expectations. It was a textbook case of strabismus surgery. He didn't have any troubles with anesthesia, and actually woke up really well - alert, active and hungry! He downed 12 oz. of pedialyte right after he got back from the PACU. We had to cut him off for fear that he would throw it all up. He had a bit of a barky cough due to the irritation of the airway from the intubation, but an Albuterol treatment helped, and we were sent home! Last night he slept OK. Restless, on me in a recliner half of the night. But that's to be expected. He gets frustrated when he tries to turn over in the crib with his no-no's (arm restraints) on. I got him to take a nap this morning in his own crib, and he's been so happy ever since. He resumed his normal diet last evening, and has really just been a champion with recovery. He's learning to master crawling with the no-no's, and looks like a zombie when he walks. His eyes are bloody in the interior where the surgery incisions were, but his bloody tears are already lessening. So that's a good sign. I can give him breaks from the no-no's as long as we are right there to watch and make sure he doesn't rub his eyes. He'll have to sleep with them on for a week until our post-op follow up appointment. His eyes will kind of be all over the place now, as he adjusts to the new measurements. We might be able to tell at a week if it's going to have been a success, but won't really be conclusive until about 3 months post surgery.

Here are pics from this morning. His eyes already look a little better than yesterday.

 

Here's a little info on the Strabismus Surgery. Sorry it's a picture, but I that's all I got for time.Click on the pic, and it will make it bigger so you can read it!

QUINNcidence: March 12

 

http://ohmydearone.blogspot.com/2013/03/celebrate-quinncide

QUINNcidence on the news

Happy Birthday, Quinn! This story is for you, sweet girl!
So I head to Cook Children's this morning with Beckett in tow for his eye surgery pre-op appointment. On the way, I am thinking, and praying for Alison and Tim, and wondering what random act of kindness I am going to do today in Quinn's honor. I think to myself, ok, there is a Starbucks right by the hospital, I'll just pay for someone's coffee behind me. So turn into the wrong driveway (yes, Casi Faulk the same wrong driveway when I was with you!), and get frustrated. I now would have to back up, cross lots of traffic to get back around. So I chose the less stress option of giving up.

So we go through our appointment, and they give us the go ahead with eye surgery tomorrow. 7:15 am. Second case. The nurses reminds me to make sure I have everything for recovery. I remembered I didn't have any motrin on hand, so decided to take Beckett in the mancave (what I call my travel stroller, carseat combo the rare times I have him out in "public" with me) to Target on Montgomery Plaza since it's near the hospital.

I get the motrin, look for a new sippy cup, and head to the baby section to find sunglasses for Beckett and the ride home tomorrow. He will have "no-nos" on so they will actually stay on. As I'm there, I overhear a couple talking to each other about where they think preemie clothes are. And of course, my preemie mama radar goes off, and I just have to say something. :)

I ask them if they have a preemie in their family, and she says yes. As of today. Their daughter just delivered a baby boy, at 32 weeks gestation. I quickly opened the man cave to show off miracle Beckett. (Which for all of you that know me KNEW this had to be a God thing because I never open the mancave in public) I shared how he was a preemie too. And they were so thankful for hearing the news of hope. Their sweet grandson weighed 4 lbs. 3 oz. TODAY at birth, and they wanted to get him some clothes. So I lead them to where I had just literally seen some preemie clothes. I pick some off the rack, and say, OH, the NICU nurses will love this...it has velcro which is nice when the baby is hooked up to all those wires. They both were so thankful, and agreed that I would know if anyone. :) We all picked out one we thought was cute! (was really hoping for one with airplanes, but that's ok!)

I asked if they would let me buy these two sleeper outfits for their new preemie grandson. Grandma had tears in her eyes, and I did too as I shared with them that my friend, Alison, lost her daughter at 4 months of age due to SIDS, and that today was her birthday. So to celebrate we were supposed to do a random act of kindness. I shared with them that I really felt like this is what I was supposed to do for them. We continue talking as we walk to the check out line, and she keeps telling me what a blessing this is to have run into Beckett and I.

Quinn, girl, this act of kindness was meant to be...and I believe orchestrated by our God! 
Good assist on that one!  

I asked what NICU he is at, and they say "Baylor Hospital, downtown." I said, no way...that is where my husband and I are sharing tonight at the NICU Family Support Dinner for NICU Helping Hands. I gave her my contact information, and said they were welcome to look for me at 6:30 just outside the NICU...and that I'd love to be an encouragement to their daughter, as a fellow preemie mama.

So we continue to talk waiting in line, and Grandma shares with me that she lost a baby at 6 months. And so this is all so scary. It suddenly reminded me of my mom, walking this preemie journey with me. How scary it must have been for her to watch our kids fight for their lives after loosing my sister at 8 months gestation herself. I agreed that yes, it definitely is a scary road ahead. But that I'd definitely be praying for their sweet grandson.

We exchange hugs, and I am hopeful that we will connect again...

Thanks Quinn for giving me a reason to be BOLD and reach out...to someone in the middle of Target, none the less. Thanks for the sweet connection, and may your family and friends pray for Sweet Brayden as he now shares your birthday!
  __________________________________________________________________________

I remember when Quinn's birth was announced, and when she got to go home from the hospital. I think she even spent some time in the NICU, if my memory serves me right. I was SO thankful. I didn't know everything, but anytime anyone mentioned NICU, this mama prayed extra hard.

My bestie, Carrie and Alison were roommates at Northwestern College, which is my connection to Alison. We had spent a few great times in Orange City all together back in the day when I would go visit Carrie.Carrie kept me updated with Ali and Carli (another one of Carrie's roommates), and it was so sweet because all of them had baby girls, real close together. Sage was born in December to Carli (I remember Beckett was supposed to be born close to Sage!), Quinn was born in March to Ali, and my bestie Carrie had Nora in May. We pictured them to be NWC roomies like their mamas...

I remember crying with Carrie on the phone, and us talking about how this just was not fair. I had a really hard time with this. I thought of Quinn and her family non-stop. And continued to pray for specifically Alison's heart.

How could this be? I just don't understand. July 2012. Quinn was just four months old.

Really, Lord? Why? I mean, MY children were the ones that had statistics against them for survival. Ellie born at 27 weeks, and Beckett even earlier at 25 weeks. Such guilt I felt. Such confusion and lack of understanding. I remember crying as I rocked Beckett to sleep for his nap that day. Rocking, crying and praying for God to fill that emptyness Alison had to be feeling so deep.

Unfortunately, going through this preemie journey twice now, I've had quite a few friends lose a baby along the way. Each time is just as awful as the next. I wrestle with God often about this.

I remember connecting with something the pastor said at a sweet baby's memorial service. He said, "It wasn't supposed to be this way." God didn't create our world to be filled with sin, hurt and death. He created it perfect. It's sin that ruined all that perfection.

Stupid sin.

But let me tell you, I am SO glad we have Jesus as a Rescuer that can hold us through all the sin, hurt and death in this world. Often times, we don't know how we get through it, or how long it will take, but we know Jesus has never left and will never leave our side. And that is comfort. Even if you have to remind yourself of this every 10 minutes.

I learned very early on after Ellie's early arrival, that every single day is a gift.

Every single day, every single moment. Every single breath.

And as we honor Quinn today by celebrating her birthday,THANK YOU JESUS, for showing us that you are still at work in our lives, and that you use us through the journeys that we endure for others who follow behind...

Preemie Baby Meets Rice Baby

Aren't these adorable? And yes, I mean both the kids and the rice babies. We made these rice babies at our February Preemie/NICU Mom's CONNECT thru NICU Helping Hands! They usually make these at the Sibling Saturdays at the NICU, but some of us grad moms wanted them too! So all of 15 of us helped each other measure out some rice in a sock, pick out a tiny hat, paci, and blankets! They even have belly "buttons." I am so thankful for these precious keepsakes. It was a little emotional looking at how tiny these babies really weighed. Beckett is with his 2 lb. 2.5 oz. baby. And Ellie, who named her rice baby...Ellie, weighed 2 lbs. 7.5 oz.

How did we make the rice babies? The socks are actually white cotton tube socks that have no lines on the toes. They need to be "tea stained" so that they aren't white but are more flesh colored, measure out the rice obviously with a scale, rubber band the top, cut off the rest of the sock, the hats were knit by Threads of Love (same as the ones we got in the NICU), buttons for the belly button, googly eyes, pacifiers we clipped off the ends, and then a swaddle blanket (fabric square). And the glue gun to put it all together! (to even glue the paci down!)

P.S. I had to re-post this one.

Caption dedication to the DRG:
"Seriously? Was my head THAT long from the Bubble CPAP?"
"Why yes, son. Yes, it was."

And we're back...March for Babies: April 20, 2013

 
Last year, we weren't quite ready (Ok, I wasn't quite ready) to take Beckett out and about. He was still pretty little. But this year...WE ARE BACK!
 

This year Team Gramkow wants to support NICU Helping Hands AND March of Dimes! We'll walk in the March for Babies in honor of Ellie at March of Dimes in April. AND we'll honor Beckett at our table at Burgers for Babies, again, at the NICU Helping Hands event in May! 

But for now...WALK WITH US! Team Gramkow friends and family! Sign up to walk with us and the NICU Helping Hands crew, buy a T-Shirt, and that's it! Maybe you'll even get to meet the famous DRG?!? :) 

Our Team Page is through NICU Helping Hands, but you'll be able to click on my name for our specific family page! I may or may not be the team captian! :) So excited to support this organization who continues to research for our tiny babies.

http://www.marchforbabies.org/s_team_page.asp?seid=2035395&bt=15