November is Prematurity Awareness Month.
You can't get any more aware then this. This is the beautiful reality. I watch this and in my head replay my own video of Beckett and I.
Tears streaming down my face.
This was Team Gramkow.
This was Team Gramkow twice.
Words can't even describe my heart..I know many of you saw the pictures of our sweet preemies when they were born...but this...
THIS is reality...
THIS is the beautiful reality...
THIS is a true window into our NICU world with our Sweet Beckett and our Sweet Ellie.
What a precious gift Ward's parents have as this beautiful keepsake....
Click on the link to watch: http://vimeo.com/78393869
Friday, November 15, 2013
Monday, September 23, 2013
Dear Beckett. You are Two.
Dear Beckett Boy,
You are two little buddy.
Mama can't sleep tonight, but maybe it's because she just needed this time to write, reflect and thank God for you. I can't wait until you can read about your story...and guess how much I love you.
I will never be able to thank God...enough...for you.
Two years ago, right at this moment, mama and dada were very scared. Mama just had her ambulance ride to the hospital where you'd spend your first 88 days of life. But don't ask me what the inside looks like, because I never opened my eyes. I just tried to keep calm, breathing and praying for you to stay put just a little while longer. You had just "turned" 25 weeks gestation.
Two years ago, right at this very moment, our friends and family were praying for you. You see we officially named you the night before your birthday, so that they could pray for you, by name.
Two years ago, I was praying for peace, I was screaming for peace. I could feel the pain not only physically, but already emotionally for the journey we were about to embark on once again. You see, mommy and daddy had a plan, but God's peace was given to us in a different plan. I could feel Him with us that night, even though I was very scared.
Two years ago, I was praying for bed rest. I knew too much from your big sister's premature birth. I wanted us to just calm down, and stay in the hospital on bedrest for the next 15 weeks. I knew how much one more day in the womb meant in your development.
Two years ago, the nurse and your daddy couldn't ever tell me that your contractions had slowed. I was maxed out on medicine, but you still just wanted to come meet us. Daddy and I were still in denial this was happening even though we knew you were coming.
Two years ago, we met the DRG, and yes, he will tell you the most crazy story of how mama acted when we met in the delivery room. I blame the silly medicine. But you see, it's another way of how God was taking care of us. All of us. You see I was supposed to meet with Mrs.DRG that next morning to find out how I could volunteer with NICU Helping Hands. She did come meet us still, at the hospital, at our meeting time and even brought us a birthday cake because it was indeed your birthday. Dr. Grubbs was meant to be there for your birthday. I am pretty sure God was in on that call schedule making.
Two years ago, I cried as I was forced to deliver you. My body wouldn't have it any other way. I knew you were too early, and it was so hard having no control. 3 weeks earlier than sister. Only a couple pushes because you were so small. And we were too late for the re-peat C-Section because you progressed too quickly through the birth canal.
But you know what the best birthday gift that you gave your mama and dada two years ago?
You cried.
You cried right after you were born.
We didn't hear Ellie cry for days after she was born.
You cried. And we knew that was a good sign for your lungs.
Mama and Dada just lost it when you cried. We were flooded with tears of thankfulness that you cried.
I still remember that first cry.
Two years ago, at 4:43 am, they whisked you away. You weighed 2 lbs. 2.6 oz. We knew you were in good hands with the DRG, and the rest of the NICU team, but mama and dada were very sad as we sat in an empty room. Our nurse congratulated us, but we didn't want to hear it. We were sad and very scared.
Two years ago, we cried, and just stared at the wall in denial, trying to let all our exploding emotions some how surface. We had to wait a few hours until you were stabilized for us to come see you.
Two years ago, I actually got to ride in a wheelchair to come see you. I asked which isolette was mine, and Nurse Vicki pointed me to your bedside. You were so small, but I could tell already you were so brave.
Two years ago, you were supposed to be our miracle. You are STILL our miracle. And you are a testimony of God's healing and provision right before our very eyes. We are so thankful for you, miracle boy. And thankful that friends and family prayed with us this night...two years ago.
_____
Two years ago, Beckett. Two years. It's been a hard two years. It's been a great two years.
But now...
Now life with you as a two-year-old...is such a blessing.
Now, you love to watch fire trucks, ambulances and police cars go by...you love the flashing lights and are starting to say "woo-woo."
Now, you know your name. You recognize your name. You respond to your name with such a cute smile. You also respond to Beckett No-No by saying "no-no-no-no" back to me.
Now, you pray with us at the dinner table by folding your sweet little hands over the high chair table.
Now, God has still shown his awe in your development. You walk, go up and down stairs, you climb on and into EVERYTHING. Even though I thought you needed more time inutero to develop, you are doing AMAZING work finding new pathways on your own.
Now, your lungs and breathing still stress mama out. Very much. We've gotten to go into the hospital twice in the past 6 weeks little boy. You don't like the hospital. You don't like being confined to a crib in the hospital. You are fascinated by trying to take off all the wires, but you don't like them. I don't blame you. Hopefully we'll get a good plan of action to help manage your asthma at the specialist tomorrow.
Now, we miss the DRG and MRS. terribly, but are happy to be closer to sister's NICU to start giving back here. We know that your and sister's story is helping mama and dada in turn help other NICU and preemie parents who are too having to experience the NICU journey.
Now, you are a big boy! Growing so nicely along your growth curve. You are a self-feeder, and are starting the picky toddler stage too. Last summer, you still were a STINKER with eating, but I'm so thankful that is behind us. We're still working on not having to bear claw food, but fine-motor-tuning will come.
Now, you have different kinds of cry. The whiney cry. The hurt cry. The I want that cry. The I'm getting malled by sister, come save me cry. The I want my mama cry. And I love them all.
Now, I get to hold you all the time, whenever I want. And when I hold you, I often think about the first time I held you, on day 3, when you were just under two pounds. I love that your body stretches out almost to where you won't fit anymore on my lap.
Now, we still enjoy EVERY single day. EVERY single breath as a gift.
We love you so much sweet Beckett boy. This mama loves you SO much.
Love,
Your favorite girl
You are two little buddy.
Mama can't sleep tonight, but maybe it's because she just needed this time to write, reflect and thank God for you. I can't wait until you can read about your story...and guess how much I love you.
I will never be able to thank God...enough...for you.
Two years ago, right at this moment, mama and dada were very scared. Mama just had her ambulance ride to the hospital where you'd spend your first 88 days of life. But don't ask me what the inside looks like, because I never opened my eyes. I just tried to keep calm, breathing and praying for you to stay put just a little while longer. You had just "turned" 25 weeks gestation.
Two years ago, right at this very moment, our friends and family were praying for you. You see we officially named you the night before your birthday, so that they could pray for you, by name.
Two years ago, I was praying for peace, I was screaming for peace. I could feel the pain not only physically, but already emotionally for the journey we were about to embark on once again. You see, mommy and daddy had a plan, but God's peace was given to us in a different plan. I could feel Him with us that night, even though I was very scared.
Two years ago, I was praying for bed rest. I knew too much from your big sister's premature birth. I wanted us to just calm down, and stay in the hospital on bedrest for the next 15 weeks. I knew how much one more day in the womb meant in your development.
Two years ago, the nurse and your daddy couldn't ever tell me that your contractions had slowed. I was maxed out on medicine, but you still just wanted to come meet us. Daddy and I were still in denial this was happening even though we knew you were coming.
Two years ago, we met the DRG, and yes, he will tell you the most crazy story of how mama acted when we met in the delivery room. I blame the silly medicine. But you see, it's another way of how God was taking care of us. All of us. You see I was supposed to meet with Mrs.DRG that next morning to find out how I could volunteer with NICU Helping Hands. She did come meet us still, at the hospital, at our meeting time and even brought us a birthday cake because it was indeed your birthday. Dr. Grubbs was meant to be there for your birthday. I am pretty sure God was in on that call schedule making.
Two years ago, I cried as I was forced to deliver you. My body wouldn't have it any other way. I knew you were too early, and it was so hard having no control. 3 weeks earlier than sister. Only a couple pushes because you were so small. And we were too late for the re-peat C-Section because you progressed too quickly through the birth canal.
But you know what the best birthday gift that you gave your mama and dada two years ago?
You cried.
You cried right after you were born.
We didn't hear Ellie cry for days after she was born.
You cried. And we knew that was a good sign for your lungs.
Mama and Dada just lost it when you cried. We were flooded with tears of thankfulness that you cried.
I still remember that first cry.
Two years ago, at 4:43 am, they whisked you away. You weighed 2 lbs. 2.6 oz. We knew you were in good hands with the DRG, and the rest of the NICU team, but mama and dada were very sad as we sat in an empty room. Our nurse congratulated us, but we didn't want to hear it. We were sad and very scared.
Two years ago, we cried, and just stared at the wall in denial, trying to let all our exploding emotions some how surface. We had to wait a few hours until you were stabilized for us to come see you.
Two years ago, I actually got to ride in a wheelchair to come see you. I asked which isolette was mine, and Nurse Vicki pointed me to your bedside. You were so small, but I could tell already you were so brave.
Two years ago, Beckett. Two years. It's been a hard two years. It's been a great two years.
But now...
Now life with you as a two-year-old...is such a blessing.
Now, you love to watch fire trucks, ambulances and police cars go by...you love the flashing lights and are starting to say "woo-woo."
Now, you know your name. You recognize your name. You respond to your name with such a cute smile. You also respond to Beckett No-No by saying "no-no-no-no" back to me.
Now, you pray with us at the dinner table by folding your sweet little hands over the high chair table.
Now, God has still shown his awe in your development. You walk, go up and down stairs, you climb on and into EVERYTHING. Even though I thought you needed more time inutero to develop, you are doing AMAZING work finding new pathways on your own.
Now, your lungs and breathing still stress mama out. Very much. We've gotten to go into the hospital twice in the past 6 weeks little boy. You don't like the hospital. You don't like being confined to a crib in the hospital. You are fascinated by trying to take off all the wires, but you don't like them. I don't blame you. Hopefully we'll get a good plan of action to help manage your asthma at the specialist tomorrow.
Now, we miss the DRG and MRS. terribly, but are happy to be closer to sister's NICU to start giving back here. We know that your and sister's story is helping mama and dada in turn help other NICU and preemie parents who are too having to experience the NICU journey.
Now, you are a big boy! Growing so nicely along your growth curve. You are a self-feeder, and are starting the picky toddler stage too. Last summer, you still were a STINKER with eating, but I'm so thankful that is behind us. We're still working on not having to bear claw food, but fine-motor-tuning will come.
Now, you have different kinds of cry. The whiney cry. The hurt cry. The I want that cry. The I'm getting malled by sister, come save me cry. The I want my mama cry. And I love them all.
Now, I get to hold you all the time, whenever I want. And when I hold you, I often think about the first time I held you, on day 3, when you were just under two pounds. I love that your body stretches out almost to where you won't fit anymore on my lap.
Now, we still enjoy EVERY single day. EVERY single breath as a gift.
We love you so much sweet Beckett boy. This mama loves you SO much.
Love,
Your favorite girl
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
You know you're a mom of a respiratory kiddo when...
Yes. I know. Two blog posts in one night. This one has been brewing since Beckett's last hospital stay. Respi Mamas: What would you add to this list?
You know you're a mom of a respiratory kiddo (aka Respi) when...
1. You seriously consider investing stock in Albuterol.2. In the hospital, you try and figure out how you can steal the wall unit of O2. Seriously, the home nebulizer doesn't work nearly as fast delivering meds as those bad boys.
3. The words crackle take on a new meaning. Course Crackle. Loose Crackle. And no, it's not your breakfast, Rice Krispies. It's your preemie's lung sounds.
4. You can identify all the signs of retraction, and where. Ribs, accessory muscles, collar bone area, head bobbing, nasal flaring. That's right moms, learn the lingo. Impress those doctors with your symptom watching skills.
5. You watch the clock counting down 1. until the next albuterol breathing treatment and 2. until the steroids fully kick after 10-12 hours. Two fold however. Thankful they can breathe. Not as thankful for the wired behavior that follows.
6. The nurses and doctors listen to your kiddo's lung sounds, and you're taking deep breaths too.
7. You have an overnight bag (aka "the evil admit bag") packed within 24 hours of your child's first cold symptoms.
8. You understand and are also annoyed that RAD (reactive airway disease) is asthma in a kiddo under 2, and indeed is not rad, like cool.
9. You actually sometimes pray it's just viral and NOT bacterial...pneumonia that is. Seems so weird to cheer for a virus that you can't really "treat."
10. You know the difference between stridor and wheezing, and help to educate your friends. Here's a little trick to help you remember. Stridor has an "i" in it, so it's on the inhalation. Inhalation starts with an I. (So this is when you hear a whistle sound when they breathe "in"). Wheezing has an "e" in it, and most often wheezing is audible on the exhalation. Exhalation starts with an E. (So this is when you hear a whistle sound when they breathe "out") *Don't be fooled however because wheezing sometimes is not audible. Also, of note...coughing. Lots of coughing. Definitely can mean your kiddo is wheezing, but it's just not audible like the "typical" form of whistle-y wheezing is.
...And so continues the journey of learning "the lung"...
Pray for our sweet Beckett as we have now two hospitalizations under our belt, and it's NOT even cold and flu season yet!
You know you're a mom of a respiratory kiddo (aka Respi) when...
1. You seriously consider investing stock in Albuterol.2. In the hospital, you try and figure out how you can steal the wall unit of O2. Seriously, the home nebulizer doesn't work nearly as fast delivering meds as those bad boys.
3. The words crackle take on a new meaning. Course Crackle. Loose Crackle. And no, it's not your breakfast, Rice Krispies. It's your preemie's lung sounds.
4. You can identify all the signs of retraction, and where. Ribs, accessory muscles, collar bone area, head bobbing, nasal flaring. That's right moms, learn the lingo. Impress those doctors with your symptom watching skills.
5. You watch the clock counting down 1. until the next albuterol breathing treatment and 2. until the steroids fully kick after 10-12 hours. Two fold however. Thankful they can breathe. Not as thankful for the wired behavior that follows.
6. The nurses and doctors listen to your kiddo's lung sounds, and you're taking deep breaths too.
7. You have an overnight bag (aka "the evil admit bag") packed within 24 hours of your child's first cold symptoms.
8. You understand and are also annoyed that RAD (reactive airway disease) is asthma in a kiddo under 2, and indeed is not rad, like cool.
9. You actually sometimes pray it's just viral and NOT bacterial...pneumonia that is. Seems so weird to cheer for a virus that you can't really "treat."
10. You know the difference between stridor and wheezing, and help to educate your friends. Here's a little trick to help you remember. Stridor has an "i" in it, so it's on the inhalation. Inhalation starts with an I. (So this is when you hear a whistle sound when they breathe "in"). Wheezing has an "e" in it, and most often wheezing is audible on the exhalation. Exhalation starts with an E. (So this is when you hear a whistle sound when they breathe "out") *Don't be fooled however because wheezing sometimes is not audible. Also, of note...coughing. Lots of coughing. Definitely can mean your kiddo is wheezing, but it's just not audible like the "typical" form of whistle-y wheezing is.
...And so continues the journey of learning "the lung"...
Pray for our sweet Beckett as we have now two hospitalizations under our belt, and it's NOT even cold and flu season yet!
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