Our Prayer and Praise

We are so thankful Beckett is doing so well, amidst all that has happened these past few days. He had a big weight gain the night before last, and weighed 6 lbs. 8.6 oz. And then last night, he just dropped a few grams, so today weighs 6 lbs. 8.5 oz. We have been told to bring in the carseat today, and we may room in Saturday or Sunday night. He has been episode free still, and is eating more around 60 mls average each feeding.

Beckett is doing great, and I am trying so hard to cling to that. However, yesterday was worse for me. I know its supposed to get easier with each day that passes, but yesterday was awful. I broke down with Beckett's nurse, on the phone with the DRG...the thought of " how am I supposed to bring a baby home to a home where I don't feel safe?"

I'm parinoid, I jump at every noise, I check out the window constantly, I cringe when I see a sketch looking car drive by...its awful. I know we have a security system now, all our locks are changed...but I have a hard time getting the flashbacks of seeing the house at first, the fear I had as I ran back to get Ellie out of the car, out of my head...I wonder if they will try and come back?...

As I write this though...I do feel more peace. Last night I talked to my mom, and she suggested that we pray for healing and protection in each of our rooms in our house. So after I got off the phone, I asked Ben. We hugged for a long time, and he said to me. "Mandy, we have to trust God on this one"...and my response was " But we have to trust Him on everything"...Ben said, "Yeah, that's usually how it works." :)

Isn't it so true in our walk as a Chrisitan, as we walk with Jesus, we know we are to trust him in everythin?...yet we try so hard to fight feelings, and control on our own.

Ben reminded me that we prayed in every room with our very first landlords, the Taussigs, in our first home as a married couple.

So we did. Ben and I alternated praying...each room...I could feel a little more Peace. When we got to Beckett's room I just started whaling. Such a mix of emotions...so thankful for the ways in which God has saved our sweet boy...how God has used his amazing creativity and skill to develop our little boy, and grow him from 2 lbs to 6, outside the womb even.

We both prayed over our kids's room. We both crawled in Ellie's twin bed, and cuddled with her, cried, prayed, all while she was fast asleep.

It was a neat Peace we felt after we prayed throughout our house. We are so thankful God is loaning two beautiful children to us, that we get to parent and love.

It's going to be Ok. It has to get better. Jesus has our back. I still believe that.

We are so thankful for our blog following community...thanks for reading and praying. Today, we covet some specific prayers, and also would ask that you praise god along with us too.

Our prayer.
Pray for safety and security in our home. Pray that we would not find our security in our alarm system, but really in Jesus.

Pray for my mind, that God would fill it with positive thoughts, and would drive out my fear and insecurity.

Pray for our family as we may bring Beckett home Saturday or Sunday. Pray for protection for Beckett against germs and illness.

Pray for our health. I was able to finally sleep last night, but woke up this morning feeling sick...scratchy throat. :( I know I'm so run down, and exhausted. Pray for rest today.

Pray for an efficient productive day as we want to get all our acct passwords changed, and updated with our new information, insurance paperwork filed, etc. We really want to get that all done today before we bring Beckett home.

Pray for us to be willing to ask for help after Beckett is home. With Ellie we didn't have any visitors, and were in quarantine. And we will be the same for Beckett, but I think we might need to ask our friends (our healthy friends) for more help this time around. We will see.

Our praise.
Praise for God's provison to us to have this house. Praise that Ben has a good job. He is doing amazing things for Team Gramkow by working hard everyday at his job.

Praise for our Beckett. Praise for our Ellie.

Praise for our amazing support community of friends and family, near and far away,

Praise that we are reminded of the Gift of Jesus this Christmas season....as we get to experience the gift of bringing our sweet baby boy home from the hospital...soon.

Happy 37 weeks gestation, Beckett!