NICU Nurse Karen & the NANN Conference

I was greeted with 5 missed calls from Lisa Grubbs (Beckett's neonatologist aka the DRG's wife) this morning. (Whoops for leaving my phone in the office with the doors closed so Bman couldn't get in there!) Called her back right away, and she congratulated me...

"Congratulations to Joel Brens, Papas of Preemies, Danielle Bischoff, Preemies Today, Mandy Gramkow, NICU Helping Hands, and Gigi Khonyongwa-Fernandez, Families Blossoming LLC - these AWESOME preemie parent leaders will take part in a 2 hour workshop Preemie Parent Alliance is doing at the National Association of Neonatal Nurses (NANN) educational conference in Nashville, TN on October 3rd!"


Say what? Wow. I am SO humbled, honored and so thankful for the opportunity to represent NICU Helping Hands and the Preemie Parent Alliance, by participating in a workshop alongside Dr. Sue Hall and three other preemie parents at the National Association of Neonatal Nurses (NANN) annual conference in October!
 
*Remember, Dr. Hall was Ellie's neonatologist in Kansas...and our story is in her book too, For The Love of Babies. We love Dr. Hall! AND we are so excited that she is coming to Fort Worth next month to conduct some educational workshops with NICU Helping Hands and the medical staff of all the NICUs in Fort Worth!

At the conference, Dr. Hall will be presenting on "A Look Inside the Preemie Parent's NICU Experience...How NICU Nurses Can Help." So the Preemie Parent Alliance asked for submissions for "positive or negative senarios that really happened to you with a NICU Nurse during your child's NICU stay."'

This was really hard for me....to choose just one positive. We were SO BLESSED to have such great NICU Nurses taking care of Ellie in Kansas and Beckett here in Texas. But they limited me to one page, so I had to pick one.

And this is what I submitted...my story about a day with Karen (aka Beckett's favorite NICU Nurse)

"My name is Mandy. Mom to two preemies. My body failed not once, but twice to deliver a full-term baby. Our first preemie, Ellie was born at 27 weeks, 6 days gestation four years ago. Reason. Probable PPROM (Preterm premature rupture of membranes). But unknown. Ellie spent 71 days in the NICU. We finally got brave enough to try for another baby. My husband and I prayed that Ellie’s preterm birth was just a one-time fluke, and that preemie history would not repeat itself.

In June 2008, we found out that a baby brother would be joining our family. Everything checked out normal according to the perionatologist at Week 20.  I had a lot of anxiety through out my pregnancy. I was preparing so much for making it past week 28, that 25 caught us way off guard. Our second preemie, Beckett was born at 25 weeks gestation. And 4 hours to be exact. Reason. Unknown. No PPROM this time. Just contractions that wouldn’t stop or even slow down.

What we did know was that we didn’t want to do this again. All we wanted was a full-term baby. Instead we had a 2 lbs. 2.6 oz. baby boy born 4 weeks earlier than what we “knew.” My body had failed me once again.

Two premature births. So naturally two times the amount of mommy guilt the second time around. The goal was to get farther along in gestation. Not deliver earlier. With Ellie, I remember being in denial for the first two days. I could not and did not want to admit that this happened to me. That my body failed, and now I had to stare at her on the outside fighting for her life. With Beckett, the first few days were very rough. The first week was awful. I didn’t know if it was better or worse already knowing the preemie lingo. What I did know was that I felt shame, guilt, and helplessness. I felt like such a failure. It physically was my fault. My body failed.

I distinctively remember a week after Beckett was born, I met Karen. Finally a NICU nurse I could remember, after the “first-week preemie mom” daze had worn off. Karen was taking care of Beckett for the weekend. I was pumping in his room, dropping bottles on the floor, when I started crying and hyperventilating. She got me some new bottles, and tried to help me calm down. She leaned down beside me, and said, “I know this is going to be a hard road, but look at how much of a fighter Beckett has already proven to be.” I just broke down crying even more. The emotions were just too much for me to handle while I was there. I told her that I couldn’t believe we were heading down this preemie road again. I told her I felt such guilt. I remember my bones literally aching because I was so sad I allowed my body to fail a term pregnancy again. Every time I looked at him in the isolette, I was reminded of how my body failed him.

Karen could have gotten me some new bottles, and walked away. But she didn’t. She pulled up a chair, sat and listened to me cry. She put her arm on my back trying to comfort me. We sat in silence for a while. But then she started sharing with me about her son, and the reason she became a NICU Nurse. You see Karen lost her Sweet Jesse after 9 days in the NICU. She said after 14 years to this day, she still feels guilty. That maybe she could have done something different. But she has learned that those thoughts of guilt are not helpful. She shared for her, those thoughts only throw you into a downward spiral of emotions which can really be isolating. Instead she helped me focus on what I was doing well as Beckett’s mom. I was there to take his temp, do kangaroo care, and pump every 2 hours. She encouraged me to keep talking about my feelings because they are raw and real and need to be processed, whether now in the crisis or down the road. 

I am so thankful that Karen responded the way she did. She set a foundation of trust not only that encouraged my trust in her as Beckett’s nurse, but for me to be free to express my daily emotions in a safe environment. One where I knew she cared about not only about baby, but mom too. And even though our NICU experiences as moms were different, by her sharing a piece of her story, I felt like I wasn’t alone in my feelings of guilt, shame and helplessness. I didn’t have to be afraid to share the feelings I didn’t “want.” It was a step forward in a long process of dealing not only with post-partum depression, but post-traumatic stress disorder as well, which hit full force after discharge. Today, Beckett is 16 months old, and I truly believe that I am farther along in my healing process because of the conversation that my Favorite NICU nurse, Karen and I had that day."

Healthy Baby, Healthy Mama

Tears streamed down my face as I drove home from Cook's GI clinic today. Wow. How far Beckett has come in his eating and pooping! I seriously told him the whole way home how proud I was of him. And spent some time thanking God for the joy we can experience now that we are on what I feel like is the downhill slope of the feeding mountain.

He weighed in at 21 lbs. 8 oz! Wahoo Buddy! This looked beautiful on his growth chart curve, and GI was impressed and encouraged. We have supported his nutrition (and yes, we have been doing 27 calorie neosure fortification since NICU discharge!) to aid in his critical development to thrive and grow. Even though I was nervous about the Nexium for his acid reflux. I whole heartedly believe getting him relief for that is what did the trick to get him to have a positive experience with feeds again. I remember how horrible last May and June were feeding him every two hours, the countless days I cried just begging him to eat. Man, it feels good as we add time inbetween then and now. So thankful. So glad that it feels safe to experience the joy that comes with it too. I know we hoped for this day...that is what got us through the tough days.

So the GI plan now. Although I was really hoping that we could be discharged from GI altogether, we go back in 4 months. We got the GO AHEAD for whole milk! Big boy Beckett here we come! So we will try whole milk this week, then next week stop the Nexium. Cold turkey. Then in 3 weeks, we will try miralax decreased to every other day to see if that still helps with his pooping. Even if he has to continue the miralax for a couple years, it is ok. We don't want him to transition to holding it in if it hurts. So she wants to follow up with weight check, after we make all these transitions. We met with our awesome GI nutritionist after the appt, and she gave us some education about table foods, and making sure to target the nutrition needs for Beckett this next year. We can cut out bottles cold turkey if we want, and just give him milk with snacks and meals thru the famous honeybear straw. I am a little nervous about his milk intake, but as with everything I have to trust he can do it! I just can't believe we are almost done with bottles! I have spent half my life washing bottle dishes this past year! Ha! Beckett loves to feed himself table food, and we are SO thankful for that! We have about 10 jars of baby food left, and he will still eat that. But after that is out...I think we will be done with that too!

Tears streamed down my face for a few reasons. Tears of thankfulness of how far Beckett has come, but also tears of grief. My Baby Beckett is growing up. My baby. My last baby...

I feel like we are closer to a healthy baby status. Healthy baby, Healthy mama. Yay! Sad to admit that I definitely sacrificed my own health this past year. Stress eating added 30 pounds to my weight. So talk about that I missed out on gaining the third trimester pregnancy weight, well, I made up for that with my stress eating. Add some dealing with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (trying to process the mommy guilt I face with having two failed full-term pregnancies, trying to process my traumatic labors and deliveries, processing the scary, long days in the NICU, fighting the triggers around the home that remind you of the awful monitors that always went off in the NICU).

You would think that "since you aren't in the NICU anymore.." that it would be enough to move on with a normal life. Nope. Not the case. A preemie mama gets home, still worries about feedings, faces other feeding, physical, speech development challenges with her baby. It is continually a wait and see. And it is continually a day by day thing...just like the NICU.

As time has passed, it does get easier. The fear and anxiety is replaced with thankfulness and joy. For what our precious miracle babies can do. Even right now...a painful reminder...Beckett just bit my toe. I know weird. But I am so thankful he has teeth, and can bite to chew. Even though he may have some enamel missing from his teeth due to prematurity. Who cares. I don't. His teeth are functional. For that I am thankful. Now I just have to work on teaching him when it is appropriate to use those chompers!

I should have taken better care of myself before. I shouldn't have stress ate. But it was my survival and coping mechanism. Not a healthy one, but I am so glad that I had my epiphany moment last June at my yearly OB/GYN appointment. I stepped on the scale and saw how I weighed the most I have in my life! Ahhhh! That day I committed that to truly have a healthy baby, I needed to be a healthy mama. I started watching what I ate, learned how to eat foods with protein/carb balance in mind (thanks to my friend, Katie), and started exercising. Just 3 times a week. And it made such a huge difference. I unfortunately got lax during the holidays, but picked back up my healthy habits in January. And with my best friends from graduate school as accountability! We're going to do a 2 mile and a Color Run (that benefits the Ronald McDonald House!) Could have also been because I turned 30! Ahhhh! To date, I have lost 27 pounds since June. And I am feeling so much better about myself. I think this has also been instrumental in helping me deal with the PTSD.

I am also just so thankful that Beckett is doing well enough to where I am comfortable leaving him with Ben or even a trusted sitter for some time. I am so thankful that I have energy after getting thru the survival months. I have energy and passion to give back through serving other parents (and I am slightly partial to other preemie mamas) who are also forced to go through the preemie journey. It is scary, and they need support. Cheerleaders and encouragers from people who "get it." And those who have clung to the hope, can validate that it is so hard. And that joy is on the horizon. It just takes some time to get there. Pouring into other preemie mama's lives has been the best component of my healing.

So to you fellow preemie mamas out there, or maybe you have a friend who is a preemie mama. Know and encourage this...
It does get better. Still cling to the hope. The hope is there for you just as much as it is for your baby. You have a perspective that is forever changed as a mom, and that is OK. You can do it. Healthy baby AND healthy mama. It's so worth it.

Mandy's SKIN speil about Rodan + Fields Dermatologists: My new business endeavor!

Ok, I know. I know. I know. Eye roll. You already bought tons of Tupperware from me when I was the Tupperware Queen (not really). What does she want now? I rolled my eyes too the first about 30 times I heard about Rodan + Fields Dermatology products. I hear ya. So I’m not about to be a pressure saleswoman. I am just inviting you to join in on my SKIN journey.

Just want to let you in on a little somethin’ somethin’ of a skin care product that may or may not (see, I’m still the same Mandy Gramkow using her classic may or may not verbage) help even you…we shall see. Plus, I thought answering some of the questions “I asked” might be helpful…

So read on if you want to…Mandy’s SKIN Story…

My SKIN Goal: To wear no make-up! Yes, that’s right…to feel like one hot mama the moment I roll out of bed. I heard you laugh. I did. My husband already thinks I am hot, but come on ladies…you know what I am talking about! Now if only someone could come up with something for your teeth so you have amazing breath in the morning too. Disclaimer. I do want to look like I have healthy skin. As I age…I do want some wrinkles believe it or not. And I don’t want my face to look like plastic (totally not saying this product does that, but you know what I mean). But I want it to look clear, healthy and me!

My SKIN Fund Ambition: Any of you that have followed our journey, know that we have had not one, but two premature babies. I have learned so much about preemies, and am fascinated by the medical side of things. We were fortunate to have some amazing NICU nurses to work with who inspired me both in Kansas and Texas! I would love to give back by becoming a NICU Nurse myself. I also feel like maybe I could bring another perspective to NICU nursing being a preemie mom myself. When is this going to happen? Yeah, might be long time from now. Ben said I must raise my own funds to get another degree! (Those of you who know me well are thinking…oh brother…she changes her mind like the wind. Well, true. But serving Preemie/NICU families in some way is just something that is a passion of mine now-a-days) The extra income in the mean time will help pay for Beckett boy’s ongoing medical costs and therapies.

My SKIN History: I am the queen of attacking my pimples. It’s no wonder I have scars. I went in and out of acne break outs all through out my teens and twenties. AHH. Not a twenty-year-old anymore. Scary. I was a lifeguard for many years…hello sun damage, and now they are starting to show up in little spots on my cheeks. I am also your girl if you look in my cabinets and tupperware tubs in my bathroom you’ll find LOTS of leftover skin care products that I bought over-the-counter to try. Half-full because they “didn’t work for me.” Seriously, you should just get them all out and count one day. I do want to focus on getting my skin as healthy as can be. And honestly, I thought because of how I had previously attacked and not protected my skin…I was doomed. Not so the case now. There is hope!

My SKIN Skepticism:

1.      I saw some before and after pictures, but oh brother, how much is this going to cost? Of course we’d all like a free product that works amazing, but that isn’t a reality. A starting regimen is around $150 - $190 for 60 days. That’s a lot. I know. I thought so too. And I mulled on that for a long time. Huge sticker shock. But when I broke it down thinking…ok, it would be like $2.50 a day…that could be cutting out a Starbucks. But I don’t drink Starbucks. For me, I thought back to how much I spent on “experimenting products.” Probably a lot more than I want to realize. I made the decision to view it as a healthy investment. And a commitment. Commitment to use the product as directed. Think of it like a prescription for medicine. These recommendations are from dermatologists, remember? Still stuck on the sticker shock price? There is an option to sign up as a preferred customer. (10 percent off) Yes, please!

2.      Do you get discounts if you are a loyal customer? Yes! You can become a preferred customer. There is a one time fee of $19.95 (I know, I hate this too, but want to be up front about costs), and then you can get 10 percent off the products. As a PC, your minimum order is $80 every two months. (and there is some flexibility there). I wanted an even more discount, so signed up to be a consultant to get 25 percent off products. Oh, and PCs get free shipping! (But there is a $2.50 handling fee, of course there is)

3.      What if this product doesn’t work? What if I break out? What if I’m not satisfied? Well, there is a 60-day satisfaction guarantee with their regimens. Just send the empty bottles back, and you get your money back. Full refund. Same with being a preferred customer or consultant, not satisfied with the product, send it back. Ok, good to know.

My SKIN Surprises:

Things that stood out to me about Rodan + Fields Dermatologists where I was like...huh!?! (like the light bulb huh, not the question huh?)

1.      Practicing dermatologists with 40 years experience created the product: Dr. Rodan and Dr. Fields. The ones who created Proactiv. They are still doing their research on how to make it even better for our skin. They have real clients who use their real products.

2.      Rodan + Fields mission: to help people solve the most common skin concerns with out a visit to the dermatologist. Yes, thank you!

3.      They have four regiments to address four DIFFERENT skin types. Nope, not just a one for all, and this was so impressive to me. Anti-Age for wrinkles, pores, and loss of firmness. Unblemish for those of us who suffer from acne and the post-acne scarring. ME! Reverse for those who have sun damage, dark spots and dullness. ME! Soothe for those skin types with facial redness, sensitivity and irritability. ME for my awfully chapped hands from washing them so much! So you can really focus on whatever skin concern you have.  

4.      Product isn’t working like you hope? Have a question if you’re using it right? They have a nurse line. How cool is that? Not just customer service, but a nurse you can consult with about the product/how it’s working or not working on your skin.

5.      Anti-Age doesn’t mean you are turning your skin into plastic surgery looking skin or trying to avoid aging. The products help focus on maintaining skin’s structure..supporting the natural process. (ok, that sounded too sales pitchy, but I tried.)

6.      I like that their products include SPF sunscreen. (Usually the last step in the regimen) Their premise is: We’re trying to get to the deep root issues of the skin…working with all 4 layers. So we want to protect the skin every day.

7.      They have some “favorite products” like Micro-Dermabrasion Paste and Anti-Age Multi-Function Eye Cream for those lovely crow’s feet/dark circles and puffy eyes. Hello ME! Oh, and Unblemish Blot Papers with Zincidone for those with oily skin.

8.      I can be a consultant and offer products to you from the comfort of my RSV/Cold and Flu Lockdown home. No parties necessary. Well, ok, I’m going to have one just to launch my business! On Sunday, February 10 for those of you around!

But Mandy, when you sold Tupperware, you said you would never sell something like make-up? True story. Did say that. However, this company isn’t about the cover up. It’s about addressing the skin, all 4 layers! It’s about getting to the root of the condition rather than finding something to mask it. Plus, I don’t know how to help people pick out flattering eye shadows. I’ve always been a natural/neutral colors girl so it’s hard for me to think outside that box. Rodan and Fields has a “mineral peptides” type powder that has peptides and broad spectrum SPF 25 sunscreen. Think this is an added perk product so you don’t have to reapply product mid-day. Not to be mistaken with make-up though…it does way more!

Do I want you to join my team? No. Well, ok. Of course I would love for you to join the R + F Family, but more importantly I want you to LOVE the product because it’s helping your SKIN! And you are seeing a difference. And you are feeling a difference. After all. The reason I joined was honestly to get the better discount on the product (25 percent) as opposed to the preferred customer discount (10 percent). The more and more I read about the products, the more and more impressed I am!

But you are a Christian. Isn’t this kind of a vainity issue? I thought a lot about this actually. But I’m again, more concerned with addressing the health needs of my skin. I’m not focusing on covering up my skin with loads and loads of foundation and make-up. Think of it like contacts instead of glasses. Choosing to get braces for your teeth so they don’t affect your bite. Real life example: Getting a tooth implant for one of your teeth that had to be pulled, but if I left it a “space” could affect my bite and shift all of my teeth. (I’m a little bitter about this one because insurance says implants are “cosmetic.”)

Are you trying to steal me away from Mary Kay or Proactiv products? Nope. If those are working for you…stick with them! I do feel like R + F has some different types of products they offer, but I’ll stand by the aforementioned!

So you are pretty gung-ho, but you haven’t even started this regimen yet? I am taking a risk, but I am having faith that it will help my skin! And hopefully you’ll see the improvement too. I JUST got my special delivery of Rodan + Fields products today…so TOMORROW is Day 1! And of note, they actually recommend using every other day for the first two weeks to let your skin acclimate to the medicines.

So what now?

Well, I invite you follow my SKIN Story. I am humbling myself in letting you all see my “before” photos! Ha! (Well, if you join my facebook group for my business) But of note. I won’t buy into the “don’t smile for the before photo.” I’m sure it has something to do with marketing, and what not. But for me. I am happy now. I just hope to have “happier” skin after!

Interested in learning more about how to have healthy skin?  And because you are my facebook friend because you want to be my friend, and not be bombarded with posts about Rodan + Fields…I ask you to join my Facebook group (Mandy Gramkow: Rodan  + FieldsDermatologists) and I’ll update you with healthy skin tips as I learn them about! And not just about products, but just about SKIN in general. Things like: Did you know? “At age 30, you begin to lose about 1% of your collagen per year?” -Dr. Katie Rodan

KEEP READING: FREE STUFF BELOW!

In honor of my first year of my 30s! The first 30 people to join my facebook group (Mandy Gramkow: Rodan + Fields Dermatologists) AND complete the solution tool (Seriously, this is just an online survey of your skin about 5 minutes, and it’ll email you results on what regimen they would recommend..no purchase necessary at all!) will get entered into a drawing for a FREE product! *Ok…so I created a closed facebook group, so you’ll have to LIKE this comment” and then I’ll invite you to join…how about that? (I may or may not be still figuring this stuff all out!)

And I know how everyone loves FREE STUFF! I do! So it must continue…

1. For anyone who comes to my business launch party on February 10, 2013 at 3:30 pm at my house (Get it? Time is 3:30 THIRTY) will get entered into a drawing for $30 cash to use toward any product/regimen. *not to mention you will also get free samples!!
2. For my dear friends and family from afar, if we have 30 people from a land afar log online to complete the solution tool AND post their recommended regimen on my facebook page by February 10 (the date of my business launch), then I’ll send you a $30 check to use toward any product/regimen!

Solution Tool address is right here!

https://mandygramkow.myrandf.com/Pages/OurProducts/GetAdvice/SolutionsTool