I had a good morning. Got Ellie to preschool. Picked up my prescription refill, was feeling good about facing the day. Guess I am just like my son...things change all too quickly.
I turned into the hospital parking garage, and lost it. I already have puffy eye syndrome from crying so much yesterday. I don't want to be here. I don't want Beckett to be here. I want to be almost 30 weeks pregnant still. Why Lord? Why again? What didn't I learn through Ellie's NICU Journey?
I'm in my car, in the parking garage, singing, and trying to worship, but it feels so empty...I know God's mercies are new each morning, but I just want to walk in to today and hear only good news.
I'm exhausted. But I guess its time for Mommy to be brave today.
Yesterday's sermon may have been on peace, and I may have been distracted throughout the whole thing, but God reminded me of His Peace this morning through this song...yep, its how I really relate to God. Maybe its cause I'm a singer...neat how God works like that. So thankful for the lyrics, words are so powerful. Thank you Matt Hammitt once again.
Holding You by Matt Hammitt
Mother in a waiting room
Wondering if she'll hold him soon
In the darkness searching for some light
People say it will be alright
People tell you to hold on tight
But what do you have to hold onto tonight
Where do you find
Peace when you cry
In these hard times
Its not in what you hold onto
Its in the One who's holding you tonight
Its like staring down a wishing well
The voice inside cries out for help
But you never felt so helpless in your life
Time becomes the enemy
Cause you just gotta wait and see
While all the world is simply passing by
Where will you find peace
Peace when you cry
In these hard times
Its not in what you hold onto
Its in the One who's holding you tonight
You are safe in the arms of the Father
You are safe in the arms of the Father
You are safe in the arms of the Father
---------
So thankful my Beckett is safe in the arms of My Father. So thankful mama is safe in the arms of The Father too.
God blessed us with another day, and ok, I'm ready to be brave. Praying you experience God's peace today in a new way.
I turned into the hospital parking garage, and lost it. I already have puffy eye syndrome from crying so much yesterday. I don't want to be here. I don't want Beckett to be here. I want to be almost 30 weeks pregnant still. Why Lord? Why again? What didn't I learn through Ellie's NICU Journey?
I'm in my car, in the parking garage, singing, and trying to worship, but it feels so empty...I know God's mercies are new each morning, but I just want to walk in to today and hear only good news.
I'm exhausted. But I guess its time for Mommy to be brave today.
Yesterday's sermon may have been on peace, and I may have been distracted throughout the whole thing, but God reminded me of His Peace this morning through this song...yep, its how I really relate to God. Maybe its cause I'm a singer...neat how God works like that. So thankful for the lyrics, words are so powerful. Thank you Matt Hammitt once again.
Holding You by Matt Hammitt
Mother in a waiting room
Wondering if she'll hold him soon
In the darkness searching for some light
People say it will be alright
People tell you to hold on tight
But what do you have to hold onto tonight
Where do you find
Peace when you cry
In these hard times
Its not in what you hold onto
Its in the One who's holding you tonight
Its like staring down a wishing well
The voice inside cries out for help
But you never felt so helpless in your life
Time becomes the enemy
Cause you just gotta wait and see
While all the world is simply passing by
Where will you find peace
Peace when you cry
In these hard times
Its not in what you hold onto
Its in the One who's holding you tonight
You are safe in the arms of the Father
You are safe in the arms of the Father
You are safe in the arms of the Father
---------
So thankful my Beckett is safe in the arms of My Father. So thankful mama is safe in the arms of The Father too.
God blessed us with another day, and ok, I'm ready to be brave. Praying you experience God's peace today in a new way.
Praying for you, Mandy. You ARE a wonderful, brave, beautiful mom to your precious children. May God hold you close today!
ReplyDeletei'm holding you too punkin...feel the squeeze. You are one amazing woman, full of faith and strength married to one amazing man full of faith and strength. Don't ever forget that....don't let the devil get a foothold...I want to be there so much to hug you and tell you it'll be all right...but I can't right now. God is in control and we just have to trust that He is doing all He can with our humanness and will help us through this day and the next and the next and the next...keep holding his hand...we'll hold it together...hugs...
ReplyDeleteI can def. relate to the feeling of "What didn't I learn the first time God?". And I think I've discovered it's not what you didn't learn the first time... it's what you can learn new, the second time! And you know what? Maybe it's not even about you, maybe there's a nurse or a maintenance man or even a doctor that needs to see you as a living testimony to God's faithfulness. Maybe you're there for someone else.. not because you need to learn something again. You will def. grow through this, just like you did the last time. We are still praying for you guys!
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